Tag Archives: Dating

Bachelorette Des: And the winner is….

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I didn’t think there was a way to come back from last week. Brooks had to come back because how – HOW? – could she profess her love for Drew or Chris after that fiasco where she told Brooks she loved him and cried for days?

But from the beginning my heart said Chris. How wonderful that she got past that infatuation to recognize the real affection and friendship she had with him from the beginning. Does she love him? Absolutely! Anyone watching the “After the Final Rose” episode could have seen it.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Brooks came out…her tears before he appeared had me worried, but after the initial shock you could see her relax. It was like something in her said, “Yes, I was right to choose Chris.”

Speaking of right – that proposal was gorgeous. I was nervous and mad when Chris H. indicated she was going to bring up the Brooks thing at the proposal. I was like, “You’re gonna blind side amazing Chris S. like that?” But he was eloquent and passionate. He was genuine and oh, oh, oh – the grow old and start a family stuff? Be still my heart.

I have no doubt that it was still hard for Chris S. to watch last week, but she did what most of us never get the chance to do! She chose real love. How many of us out there would have given Chris up to take the adrenaline feelings that Brooks gave her?

And the thing is – Chris gave her those too, she just couldn’t see it until Brooks stepped aside. I don’t see Brooks as any type of villain. I do think he hoped she would have stayed single. I think he regretted his choice just a little, but I honestly don’t think she regretted hers.

Watching the montage of her experiences with Chris you could see how special it was from the beginning. I think I was 100% (Chris’s fave words) sold when he asked her dad for her hand…her dad’s a slight geek, but Chris had something in common with him. They both loved Des with all their hearts.

I think this will last and I am absolutely happy with the outcome. I do feel bad for Drew, but can we say mature? I was so impressed with his responses to her when she let him go and then again on “ATFR”. He’s a gem, but I’m glad he’s not the next bachelor.

The next Bachelor? JUAN PABLO!!!! Had it been anyone else it would have been anti-climactic. He’s gonna be great – and really, he serves a purpose for the producers…they’ve been accused of not having diversity so a Latin lover can’t hurt.

There were times this season I was bored to death and I still think the editors and producers need to mix things up. It’s just a little too predictable episode-wise, if not outcome-wise. Still, I got that warm fuzzy feeling with Des and Chris just like with JP and Ashley…bet Des and Chris get married before Sean and Catherine!

Bring on Juan Pablo! Wish I was 25, I’d be at those additions in a heartbeat. Too bad I took German, though…

Ready For Love: Week two introduces Ben!

Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Attention: Ready for Love has been canceled and will be replaced by Grimm starting April 30.

Part Two: Ben Patton

Thirty-one year old Ben Patton from Dallas is the final bachelor who is ready for love. He comes from a family of doctors but spent time on Wall Street and managed funds for the royal family of Dubai. Today he works in healthcare as the CEO of a hospital. For all purposes he seems to be quite a catch. Add to that the emotional pull that a viewer is sure to feel when he mentions his parent’s divorce when he was seven and how being a good dad is important to him, there are sure to be hearts broken at the end of this experience. He’s sweet and family oriented but, truth be told, a little goofy.

Matchmaker Amber thinks Ben needs a level of sophistication from a partner so she picks Lynsee Gonzales from Portland, Tarryn Franco from San Francisco, Seneca Berniard from LA, and Kari Krakowski, Ben’s ex-girlfriend from Texas, with whom he apparently had an “explosive break-up”. However Amber believes they have both evolved and deserve a second chance.

Ben keeps Lynsee who talks of traveling and being an international model, but also mention her biology degree. He also keeps Tarryn, a confident, successful woman who works for private jet comapany. His final pick is the old girlfriend Kari who says he was the one that got away. Too bad he let Seneca go. With an MBA and a JD she was pretty impressive, but she should have known not to give them a couple name or to say her age (34). In the long run, I think he’ll be sad he let her go and kept the ex that said she couldn’t stand watching every girl in a America sees what kind of guy he was.

Tracy thinks Ben doesn’t need a “wonderwoman”. She thinks he needs his vulnerable 12 year-old boy self to meet someone he connects with. She chooses Angela Zatopek, a communications executive from Houston who is saving herself for marriage, and Katie Coyle from Iowa who’s been married before and wants the fairytale. She has two kids but isn’t looking for a father, but a role model for them. He keeps them both! Tracy’s other two choices are Renae Verata from Houston, a Texan with a tomboy spirit who gave a little extra by stripping down to her slip and Kristina Zapata from Columbia who spoke of her passion and love of family. He keeps Renae, but should have kept Kristina.

Matchmaker Matt picks women that he thinks fit Ben’s needs not wants. Possibly a dangerous strategy, but Beth Richman from Charlotte, NC (his first choice) is adorable and tells him she quit her job just to take a chance on him. According to Matt, Rachel Briese from Illinois has a geeky, nerdy side that Matt has too. Her superhero outfit and personality created just for him win him over. The final decision is between Jade Dhir from Austin who made a save the date card for their wedding (ahhhhh – seriously?) and Allie Wagner from Ohio who challenges him to a lightning round of questions to which he answers, yes, yes, yes. He obviously picks Allie, whose twin is dating Ernesto!

The Group Date:
Ben says he’s an active guy and he wants someone comfortable getting sweaty around him. They’re doing a mud run, an obstacle course where they all get covered with dirt. Everyone does well and they head to lunch. He does mention how awkward it is to have his ex on the date and some of the girls talk about Kari like she’s not there. The first girl he asks to talk to is Renae because she “killed” the course. He calls her hot and wonders why she’s still single? They have decent chemistry.

He continues to talk to the girls one on one, but when Angela’s explaining her vulnerability advice from Tracy, he’s distracted by Kari who is “waiting” off to the side. He doesn’t like feeling like he needs to go to her (which is exactly what Amber told her not to do!). They talk and he says he was so hurt that she called things off. She says it was important for her to be there and if he’s into her she wants him to express it, if not let her go. They hug as the girls watch. He’s having a hard time because he has good memories and would like to go back – he’s scared of her hurting him again.

The Matchmaker’s Choices
Tracy picks Katie because she thinks they’ll like each other.
Matt picks Rachel He’s happy because he felt she was holding back.
Amber picks Tarryn because she’s excited to tell her story.

He’s happy with the matchmaker’s choice because wants to talk more with Katie. He wants to be with someone who takes motherhood seriously. They have a nice chemistry and he gives her a peck kiss. Katie feels she has to let him know soon though that she’s not “his” mother!

Rachel is different from the other girls. He connects with her sic-fi/fantasy side and likes that she’s interested in the same things he is. He feels like emotionally they’ve connected quickly and he kisses her for real! They both feel something.

It’s Tarryn’s birthday and he brings her a cake which they eat together. He asks again, how are you still single? She mentions she’s goal oriented and driven. He says he’s not intimidated and mentions the chemistry building between them. She asks him to kiss her, he says he’d love to, and it’s a whopper of a kiss.

The Matchmaker’s Critiques and Advice:
While the guys are in the man cave and can’t listen. Matt asks Rachel how she thinks she did. She says well. She feels they connected on an emotional level and there might have been a kiss. Matt asks how far she stepped out of her comfort zone. She says 110% but he doesn’t agree. He calls her a people pleaser and asks her to give more. Amber thinks Tarryn did well, and Tarryn says the birthday cake was her highlight and she doesn’t kiss and tell even with Amber’s prodding. Tracy says Angela didn’t follow through on actually being vulnerable, she just talked about being vulnerable.

Amber addresses Kari and gets on her for breaking down and crying because now Ben is confused and doesn’t feel free. Matt says the hug was for the other girls and Kari gets very defensive. Giuliana asks for an experiment. She asks Kari to close her eyes and for the girls to hold up their hands if they thought the hug was for them. All of them raise their hands and Kari opens her eyes to look. I’m not liking this girl’s entitled attitude! Katie questions Kari’s intentions and Kari turns it around on her. Amber breaks in and reminds the girls that she’s been a matchmaker for 17 years and she chose Kari and believes her heart is in the right place.

Elimination Picks:
Amber chooses Kari so they can have an answer as to whether or not he wants her there.
Matt chooses Rachel because he thinks she’s not a big enough puzzle for Ben in the long run, but he thinks she’ll be back.
Tracy picks Angela to make her vulnerable, to which Angela say OK in the hard, so not vulnerable voice that seems normal for her.

When Ben can save just one, he keeps Angela. This means either Rachel or Kari is going home. This is actually surprising because I thought he would keep Kari and Rachel. They head down to the garden in the pods and we get flashbacks of them both. Ben says he didn’t expect to have them there. Rachel tells him she felt a real chemistry and would never judge him. Kari doesn’t want him to feel pressured. She’s there to participate and wants to be known for the girl she is now. Ben pulls Kari aside and says they need to talk. He is pissed about their break up. He asks her to not make him break Rachel’s heart if she’s not there for the right reasons and can’t let him get to know the other girls.

He sends Rachel home because it’s just not there for him. Rachel says maybe she shouldn’t be so nice, but she’s not going to change who she is. She’s heartbroken and disappointed. To be honest, so am I. Kari might be good TV, but we’ve all seen relationships like theirs before…toxic stuff.

The first time someone shows you who they are…

Personal Musings, , , , , , , ,

It’s funny how true words of wisdom have an inherent malleability that allows them to grow with you through the years and apply to each new stage of your life. It’s always a surprise to me when I revisit a quote that profoundly affected my narrow but widening view of people and relationships, only to find that it now means something wholly different. In my late twenties this quote from Maya Angelou rocked my view of love. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” In my late thirties it has suddenly done it again.

I was late to the love game. I was always a flirt with lots of dating options, but actual relationships eluded me. I couldn’t quite figure out the right balance of independence and allowing someone in. I think being overly independent led to me make some questionable choices in the men I fell “in love” with. I ended up angry with them for not being what I wanted when it wasn’t their fault. I heard this quote and the puzzle pieces fell into place. I was too scared to want someone who could really make me happy so I listened to my subconscious instead of the words and actions that they had always put out there. The realization was the lens through which I interpreted Maya Angelou’s words as a warning.

What happens though, if I look through the more mature and optimistic lens of my older, slightly more experienced soul? When I am honest and quiet the anxious chatter from my subconscious self, I can read those words from a radically different perspective. I see a warning, but it’s of a different kind.

This new perspective tells me that instead of being wary that someone I find to be patient and charming, honest and fair, interested and interesting might not be – I should believe that the person I experience is truly as they present themselves to be. After all, it wasn’t the fault of the men I chose in my youth, it was a problem with my listening skills. If my listening skills and self understanding have increased then perhaps, just as I have grown through my joys, mistakes, and bigger mistakes, the people I engage with have, too. Maybe I need to take those words, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”, and apply them to the positive relationships in my life.

I choose to believe that the person who shows me strength of character, who values honesty, who respects me and my opinions is indeed the person they are showing themselves to be. It is the ultimate act of trust and living in the present over the past.

Bachelorette Emily: Finally! An Entertaining Men Tell All Episode

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You know, I usually hate the Men/Women Tell All episodes of this franchise, but for some reason I loved this one from Emily’s season.  I think it has something to do with the fact that despite my initial belief they cast a bunch of ugly, boring guys (review blogs of first two episodes), I ended up with real feelings for these men.  Love (Sean, Wolf, Charlie…) or hate (Kalon!) I ended up caring and you can’t ask for more when it comes to reality TV.

The show started off with a nice montage of memorable moments and moments we didn’t see.  I agreed with the choice of Kalon’s baggage comment, Ryan’s don’t gain weight comment, and Doug’s uncomfortable first kiss! I cringed at seeing more of Travis and the egg and Emily spilling wine before she didn’t give Joe the rose on his date, but loved-loved-loved seeing Arie’s younger brothers spying on their kiss!

Seeing Ryan and Kalon reinforced all the beliefs I’d formed throughout the season.  I wondered if maybe they’d be better in person, but neither one seemed to be able to look back and see what was clear to the audience. Ryan wouldn’t take back his, “I would love you, but maybe not love on you” weight comment and Kalon couldn’t see why the guys had such a bad reaction to the helicopter entrance.  He would have found it “interesting”. Funniest moment had to be when Chris Harrison actually asked Ryan, “Is there a chance you just might be an arrogant ass?” His answer that he couldn’t be arrogant? PRICELESS and predictable.  He wanted to be the next Bachelor so bad he could taste it and was, I think, genuinely hurt when Chris spoke for ABC and said it’s not gonna happen! Ha!

Chris B. still loves Emily.  Poor guy.  It’s true what they say, he was a little immature – BUT I’d rather have an immature guy like him than a 35 year-old Doug, or a 30 year-old Ryan any day.  I think that the best thing to say about Chris is he was in it with his whole heart and truly believed in the process.  It sucked to see how much he still was hurting…hope he finds love on Bachelor Pad! If not he’d be a viable Bachelor option in a few years.  The ability to be that vulnerable and open to the experience is exactly what’s needed in a bachelor! I did a total turn around on Chris from the first show of the season.

The discussion with Sean was tough to watch.  He obviously still has strong feelings for her and truly believed she would be his wife.  It hurt to watch him ask, “What am I missing? Am I not bringing something to the table”? No one wants to feel inadequate but the sad truth about love is that sometimes you’re just not what the other person needs and there’s nothing you could do to make it so. He also admitted he’d never really had a broken heart and this is the first time he’s been broken up with! Aww…Sorry Sean but it had to happen someday! At least he said she showed him what he wanted and opened him up.

Everyone wanted to know why didn’t Sean make the final two? Well, I think people were watching with their hearts instead of hers! Emily said Sean is a great looking guy, a gentleman, confident without being cocky, and sensitive with a vulnerable side.  When you listen to what she said in the voiceovers it still seems like, “What? How did that happen?” But seriously, if you watch their interactions and the difference in her conversations with Jef and Arie, it’s crystal clear they didn’t connect on the same level.  Still, Sean said he did love her with “every ounce of his being.” Again, a great Bachelor quality. He was fully prepared to be a husband and father. Haven’t had a bachelor like that since Jason Mesnick! Emily admitted to ugly crying in her room when she watched Sean’s episode and I think that says a lot.  She really had feelings for the man – just not the feelings she had for Jef (hahaha she didn’t say that last part obviously).

Emily’s conversation with Kalon rocked! From the previews I thought I might feel a little bad for him but the boy showed no remorse and fed her more lines! She ended with, “I hope you find faith in something bigger than your Prada shoes and rented helicopters. You go girl!

Chris Harrison ended after bloopers by saying, “Normally I’d ask how things were going…” but he didn’t.  He said we’d all have to tune into watch.  PLEASE!  They are so trying to milk some drama out of this.  And truthfully, I ‘m not sure why.  The audience loves Jef an Arie.  We’re already psyched to see the end.  This all feels so contrived and unnecessary! UNLESS – and here’s an out on a limb wacko guess in case she doesn’t let either guy propose – we get a live proposal from Jef on Sunday night.  Slight, small, miniscule possibility that Jef won’t propose until she meets his parents, or something along those lines.  A live proposal would justify the first ever LIVE After the Final Rose.

Don’t forget the finale is SUNDAY!  Not Monday – Monday is Bachelor Pad and it looks like a sleazy, entertaining, cheesy festival of love, hate and lust.  So excited to see Reid and Ed from Jillian’s season together again!

Bachelorette Emily: Final Two and What’s to Come?

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last night was the first night I felt really bad for Emily.  Having to let one of those three guys go had to hurt.  Even though there was a statement to Chris that noted she knew who she wanted in the end and just had to get there. (It was quick – if you blinked you might have missed it.) If you’re looking for a clue as to who that guy might be, I’ll give you one you may have overlooked.  The whole show seemed to be about Emily dealing how hard it was going to be to send one guy home.  She was really worried about hurting feelings and dealing with the guilt of knowing they are all three in love with her.  When she talked about what a good guy Sean was in the beginning she teared up.  When she talked about Arie in the end, she teared up.  No tears for Jef.

No tears for Jef actually means the exact opposite from what you might think.  No tears for Jef means no guilt about Jef.  She doesn’t have to worry about hurting his feelings because she knows she’s going to pick him. And, as much as I like Arie and agree that he’s hot, I just can’t deny that Jef and Emily have a deeper connection.  When she mentioned she saw him while she was making breakfast? When she said she wanted to turn him down with the fantasy suite and he beat her to it?  All more signs.

When Emily told Arie she didn’t know what he did on a Tuesday morning I was thinking about how she wouldn’t know what he was doing on most of his mornings if he married her because he would be traveling.  I know the producers and editors cut the scenes to make it seem like she was great with their conversation but if you dvr’d it, go back and watch her face as she listens to him.  There are moments of realization that hit her where you can see her thinking, “but that’s not us” (her and Ricki).

I felt horrible for Sean when he was sent home but that exchange on the bench was a perfect example of why he was sent packing.  They sat there not knowing what to say.  They sat on there date not knowing what to say.  In scenes with Jef and Aries you can hear them whisper and talk as they walk before the edit in the actual conversation.  With Sean there was so much dead air.  I get that he was probably extremely uncomfortable revealing love on camera.  feel sorry if that in any way influenced how she felt.  Still, I don’t think there was anything he could have done.  She’s head over heels for Jef and 100% physically attached to Arie.

Next week is the Men Tell All.  While I will enjoy getting the chance to hear from Sean and some of the other guys, I can’t say I’m that interested.  I don’t really want to see Ryan, Kalon, Doug or any of the others again.  All season it’s been Jef, Arie, Sean and Emily and that’s what I want to watch. The following week we get meet the families, the proposal and a LIVE After the Final Rose all in the same night.  Previews do what they always do…try to get us to believe that maybe she doesn’t pick anyone.  They show her crying and her family making crazy statements.  Trust me, they would never have edited Emily’s love story the way they did this season if she wasn’t getting engaged in the end and I’d put all my money on Jef at this point. (5% of me that thinks I might lose that money…great season!)

Jef, Arie, or Sean – Who will get the final rose + thoughts on hometowns!

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

If it was that hard for Emily to get rid of Chris last night, I don’t know how the lady will make it through this final three.  There can be cases made for each one of the men to receive the final rose…and I’ve already made most of them.  After the hometown dates I thought maybe Jef and Sean had a slight edge because I didn’t think Emily could see Ricki in Arie’s life as well as she could at Sean’s family home and Jef’s family ranch, but who knows? The chemistry between Arie and Emily is definitely off the charts.

I’m not going to even say much about Chris’ hometown date in Chicago because it was obviously the least eventful of the four, BUT I have to give it to the producers, editors, and to Em as an actress, they almost had me thinking maybe she would go for him.  I think it was a little out of line for her to tell Chris’ dad she was falling in love with Chris.  She had to have known at that point that the other three men had a stronger hold on her heart.  Maybe Chris’ sister telling her to let him go if he wasn’t the one sunk in too late and she was just caught up in the excitement of his loving family, but I think, unfortunately, that her statement was more of a calculated move by the show to keep us guessing. Yuck.

Jef’s date in Utah couldn’t have been better.  Who would have guessed he had “a little country in him” as Emily said.  It was fun to watch them shoot and she seemed to really connect with his sisters.  I have to admit when they left the family gathering, I thought, “That’s it?” Cut to the scene of them on the picnic blanket and him reading her the letter…heart melt.  It was so different from the last letter Emily had read aloud to her on the show ( Ryan Bowers!).  It’s obvious that Jef has fallen head over heels for Emily and, I think, from the way she looks at him with goo goo eyes – she’s fallen for him as well. However, once again, we are watching a show and you will have noticed that she didn’t tell his family she was actually falling in love with him. (Calculation and acting – no!)

Saving Sean and Arie for last totally sets the viewer up to think they will be the final two.  The fact that she told Arie she had missed him and she called Sean “honey” were just two of the little clues being dropped that, hey – these two are sure things.  The show is totally setting us up for the ouster of one of the big guys next week.  I can’t even begin to guess which one it might be…unless I look at Emily’s behavior with Sean’s family which on the surface seemed really cool.

When Emily was with Arie’s family there was a moment of tension with his mom but then we saw their one on one conversation and it was clear that they liked one another.  With Sean’s family we had the practical joke about him still living at home (and if you watched the credits – the armadillo for dinner).  With both of the jokes, Emily’s smile never reached her eyes.  She seemed uncomfortable and a little out of place.  The other clue we got was the absolute overuse of the term perfect with Sean.  Everything about Sean is “perfect”.  In the Bachelorette that usually signifies an upcoming issue or problem.  True, he ran after her for one last kiss and he’s romantic, but if you watch the way she kisses all three of them he’s the one that she looks the least comfortable with.

To close, I will say that if you contrast the way Emily used the word perfect with Sean to the way she used it with Jef, her tone of voice says it all.  My prediction after hometowns: Jef is final two – probably endgame – but I still have no clue about Sean and Arie.  Leaning towards Arie.  What do you guys think?

Bachelorette: No recap, just thoughts and predictions…

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’d have to be living in a hole to not have heard the rumors that Arie, Jef, and Sean are Emily’s top three guys in the best installment of The Bachelorette since Trista Sutter’s season.  Knowing this takes a little of the edge off the upcoming hometown dates next Monday.  It’s pretty pbvious from the episode last night that Chris B. is her fourth the out of the four.  I have to say that for the first time in a long time, I have no clue who she picks and I’m excited about it.  I think it’s because out of Arie, Jef, or Sean, I think she’s found love. Still, if I had to hazard a guess? My gut after last night is leaning towards Jef.

Sure, the chemistry with Arie and Sean, who both snuck out to see her, has been off the charts as far as TV chemistry, but the chemistry between her and Jef on that library floor? It wasn’t just physical.  It was the shared dreams type chemistry.  Emily has been burned before by Brad and this time I think she’s going for his exact opposite.  Jef is an intelligent, self-aware, respectful man who wants a life just like the one Emily’s envisioning.  The one caveat with Jef? His Mormon family.  They haven’t said it out loud yet as far as I know, but you have to think religion will somehow come into the discussion when Emily goes to meet them! One more thing…will she uproot to start a life with him? I’ve read he’s in L.A. which makes it much more likely than Salt Lake.

As far as Sean goes, I LOVE him.  He’s strong, adorable, smart, and seems to have compatible goals with Emily but I haven’t heard any discussions yet about who Sean really is? I feel like we don’t even know the guy.  BUT, she seems very into his kisses and he seems pretty sure of his place in her heart.  Wonder what they haven’t been showing us?

Arie is the odds on favorite right? But I think in the long run Arie and Emily only have chemistry. I know she was fishing for him to tell her about the producer but that conversation at the lunch table was so strained and forced.  Have they ever really talked about life together? Every time they say something he leans over and kisses her.  He may be an awesome kisser and a beautiful man but I think she’s looking for a situation to jump right into.  When Jef told her he wanted babies yesterday I think it sealed the deal.

We’ll see what hometowns hold and who the final two end up being.  Right now I would say Jef and Arie but that’s the beauty of being so into a season and not knowing what’s going to happen! You can totally enjoy it!

***Random thoughts:

I thought it was time for Doug to go.  Great guy but as he said, his girl radar is way off.

I thought the way they handled the producer situation was cheesy and anti-climactic BUT mature.

Nice cheesy writing last night:” sitting on top of the world” with Arie as they were on top of the boat, “need to go deep” with John as they descend into a dungeon.

You KNOW the lock they gave John to use was one with issues.  Total set up.

If John would have opened up sooner and was more comfy on camera he’d be a great Bachelor.

Bye Bye Ryan! Hello Final …Six?

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last night’s Bachelorette episode in Croatia was a feast of beautiful scenery, but if Ryan was to be believed, the only scenery worth looking at was Emily.  Thank God she finally came to her senses and sent the pro football player packing! After the most uncomfortable “post rose” conversation I’ve ever sat through, he walked out, ego intact, sure she was making a mistake.  It’ll be interesting to see if he has the media savvy needed for redemption on the upcoming “Men Tell All” episode.  Perhaps if he took a lesson from Humble Doug he would have a shot at being the Bachelor, NOT.

His parting words about hoping the editors “cut” things so people would see who he really is and that he wouldn’t come off as an “an arrogant ass” were priceless. Almost as good as the scenes of the boys (I have a hard time calling them men.) sitting back in the room talking about how he’s just that! I almost felt bad when he mentioned that he had made good friends with them, knowing that he would have to hear what they were saying while he was gone, but then again, if Ryan really is going to be a better person like he says he wants to be, he needs a huge reality check.

Chris had a good night getting the rose and the “Bravery Cup” after seeing Disney’s new movie and competing in the Highland games. I just have to take a moment to thank the producers for the kilts and sleeveless shirts.  Who would have thought that six men in skirts would look that hot. If the award had been given to the traditional winner it would have no doubt been Sean, but Emily went for her own definition of bravery and gave it to Chris.  We did get a moment where Em reassured Sean of his place in her heart.  Even though, and perhaps because, we didn’t see much of him in last night’s episode, there’s no doubt that man is final two stuff.

Earlier in the show Emily let Travis go on his one on one date.  Not much to say about it.  Travis was really sweet and he was obviously a great friend but there was no chemistry and she didn’t have trouble being honest with him.  It was the first time this season I’ve really felt sorry for a contestant.  Listening to him talking about how he has “such a big heart” and was so ready for love again made him sound like the perfect next Bachelor. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t cut it in the looks department.  Why can’t we mix Travis’ personality with Ryan’s looks? Oh wait, that was Jason Mesnick. Too late.

Another guy that almost got the boot but was saved at party, if we believe things happen the way we see them, was John. Such a handsome guy, but what does Emily know about him? Not a lot. He saved himself by pulling his grandparents funeral cards out of his wallet and confessing that his parents didn’t even know he carried them.  It was sweet and cool that he was finally opening up but does anyone think it’ll get him more than a week?  Ditto Doug, he made a small move on Emily but it’s too late – he’s eating the front-runner dust.

Speaking of front-runners, the producers are giving us a good rotation of Arie, Sean, and Jef.   Hmmm….final three anyone?  Of course.  In last night’s episode Arie made the season’s obligatory sneak out visit to tell Emily how happy he was she sent Ryan home. Their chemistry is off the charts and she gave him the rose she didn’t give Ryan. It seems like that would seal the deal, right?

BUT oh, no! He dated a producer? Now we are supposed to question everything? Manipulation, manipulation, manipulation. For those people who watched the previews, we know that it’s revealed that Arie dated a producer from the show and Emily will find out next episode! Knowing that Arie has had a relationship with a producer all along should make us question every move he’s made. So, he just happened to decide on his own to visit her.  He just happened to find her apartment in Croatia.  She just happened to have the rose from Ryan lying on her bedside table?  Total set up scene – question is – do we care? I’m not sure we do.  He’s such a hottie and their attraction is obviously real, so it’s easy enough to overlook.

This has been a great season so far!  The editing tonight with making us wait to see what would happen with Ryan and then on the last two roses (I almost believed she was letting them both go.) was awesome.  I’m feeling really positive about Emily and the men that are left! What about you?

The Contenders…Bachelorette Episode Four

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , , , , ,

I think it’s time to discuss the contenders.  After last night’s episode it’s pretty clear where Emily’s heart is headed.  There are two guys that seem to have made the biggest impression on our girl! Arie Luendyk looks to have a lock on Emily’s attention and affection so far.  Sean Lowe is close behind in an understated yet sincere performance, and Jef Holm seems to be making strides despite his goofy socks (shin guards?) and missed opportunities.

I didn’t want to fall for Arie.  He seems like such a set up from the producers…a race car driver like her former love? As the season progresses though, I can’t help but find myself being sucked in by his earnest focus on her instead of the process.  When he’s talking to her it’s obvious he’s into her and really wants to get to know her better.  He touches her spontaneously as opposed to strategically (Hello Ryan’s arm around her whenever she’s within 2 feet!).  She ‘s at ease with him in a way that makes it appear she may have already made a choice.  She told him when she’s alone on the porch he’s the one she thinks of? Couple that with her comment about how guys like him are hard to find? He’s an odds on favorite to be her intended.

However, none of the above means that Sean Lowe is out of the running.  Sean didn’t grab my attention at first because I’ve personally never had a thing for blondes, BUT he is steadily climbing in the “could be her true love” dept.  Emily wants to be taken care of, not managed and dominated as would be the case with Ryan, but loved and looked after.  Sean has the handsome, compassionate, protector vibe down.  And, he’s the only one she’s been kissing with the same honesty as Arie.  It’s hard to tell where this is going because the producers can edit it so many ways.  Arie could lose out to Sean, Sean could lose out to Arie…but I’d bet money that it’ll be one of the two.

Jef Holm is an enigma to me.  We haven’t seen very much of him and he’s definitely got an oddball side.  I thought they might be giving him the Jessie Csincsak edit.  I can’t figure out if he knows she’s into him and is playing hard to get to keep her attention, or if he’s really that dim and passed up beach kisses by accident.  Obviously from Emily’s conversation with Chris Harrison, she likes him and I think next week’s one on one (in the previews) should clear this up for viewers.

You’ll probably note that I didn’t add Doug Clerget and Chris Bukowski to the mix.  I just can’t see her falling for either in the long run (especially after watching Chris dance in the closing credits).  Add to that the producer’s focus on their conflict and it equals no future with Emily for either of them. I did agree with Chris that there’s something fake about Doug’s humble man act.  The more I see of him the less I like him.  Reverse that for Chris even though I don’t think he’ll make it to the finals.

Last but not leas,t let me say that this season’s hidden “Wes” is Ryan.  I said from their first date that something was off and he didn’t seem to be there for her.  Well, from last night’s show it’s clear that he’s there to try to be the next Bachelor.  Good luck with that.  Chauvinistic (trophy wife?), egotistical (how are you worthy?) players tend not to win America’s heart.  Emily seems to be catching on but the previews looked like Ryan’s not leaving yet and that they end up making out. Gross.

I’m hanging in there because I seriously think we’ll have a successful match from this season in the long run! Despite the slow start I’m getting into the guys and like her more than I ever thought possible. I love the disbelief that shows on her face when Ryan or Kalon make stupid comments and I can’t wait for her to tell Kalon to “get the _____ out” next week. From the previews the producers will give us lots of drama, but for the first time in a while it’s not drama created to hide the fact that there wasn’t a love connection. I think Emily’s engaged and happy.  Arie or Sean – that’s my bet.

Online Dating Sites…Just Not For Me!

Personal Musings, , , ,

Recently I decided to try the world of online dating again.  I went back to a particularly well-known site that I had tried about 10 years ago because the number of people using it had grown exponentially and I thought that would guarantee a better experience than before.  In a way I was right and in a way I was crazy.  While there are so many more attractive men using online dating services than in the early 00’s and the stigma of admitting you’re on a dating site has decreased, I haven’t really been happy with my time there.  I’ve searched my soul trying to decide if I’m just too picky or if maybe, I just really don’t want to be dating, but I haven’t come to any firm conclusions.

I can be a little picky, but not in the way you’d expect.  I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect in the looks department, but the bar is set pretty high when it comes to his brain.  With this is in mind, you can understand how frustrating it is to get one e-mail after another that doesn’t even attempt to show that they read my profile, or can manage a full sentence. I’m sorry guys but an e-mail that just says, “Hi!” leads me to believe you’re either lazy or lacking. Then there are the guys that must not be able to read.  If the first line of my profile says I’m serious about you living in my city, I don’t really want e-mails from other states.  So, while there seem to be more guys to choose from, it feels like the good ones are still pretty difficult to find.

Which leads me to my other concern regarding myself – not them – if I feel “done” and bored by the prospect of having to meet any more people after 1 week…do I really have it in me to FIND anyone? I’m thinking about pulling my profile because I ‘m already annoyed by one guy’s texts who I haven’t even met yet. He was probably just being nice when he texted me two mornings in a row just to say good morning and in the middle of the day after I had made plans to meet him later in the week for coffee, but I kind of felt like it was an intrusion on my time from someone I hadn’t had a chance to decide if I wanted in it or not.

I guess I just really don’t like the whole process. I know myself well enough to understand that it takes me a while to know if I’m into someone or not.  People I find very attractive can become less so after spending time talking and people who at first I don’t find attractive can really grow on me.  The thing is – with a dating site it’s hard to give the people who might grow on me a chance.  It feels like so much work!

I ran into an old friend on the site and facebooked him instead of using the site’s communication system.  We went out for drinks to catch up because despite mutual friends, we’d never really gotten to know one another.  That was fun.  He was attractive, intelligent, funny and I enjoyed the conversation. That experience leads me to think that it’s not the actual dating I’m having issues with – it’s the starting from scratch that irks me.

The laundry list of qualities that you use to narrow the search would never have led me to my past relationships. The ages, religions, and interests of my old boyfriends would all have been things I could have used to eliminate them – but those men I didn’t “match” with added up to the awesome years that were my early thirties.

I’m pretty sure after writing this blog that I’ll be pulling my profile in the next day or two.  I don’t think my desire to “date” is strong enough.  I do have a desire to be with someone, but not enough to continue a process that feels more burdensome than fun. I’m thinking I’ll return to the old what’s meant to be is what’s meant to be mentality and just keep my eyes open in my daily life.  My life’s too happy and good as is to make it miserable by dating just to date!

The Lucky One, Time, and Romance

Entertainment Musings, Personal Musings, , , ,

Watching the credits roll for The Lucky One, a few thoughts floated around in my head.  I pondered Zac Efron’s age and if it was appropriate for a woman my age to be so absolutely smitten and the fact that despite the panning from critics, it was a perfectly satisfying movie for its intended audience – hopeless romantics.  But the thought that brought me to my laptop relates to romance and our experience of time. I don’t think I’ve ever really noticed how intricately they connect.

Time is a funny thing.  When you’re doing something you love it can seem to fly by, or exactly the opposite, it can saunter and meander with the best of them.  For me, watching my favorite love stories always slows time down.  There’s something about settling into a film, liking the characters and trusting love will triumph no matter how bleak the picture so you mind as well enjoy the ride, that actually allows me to enjoy the ride.

In a way, real life love leads us into the same kind of experience.  There’s something about falling in love that lets you savor the moments. Days seem longer and hours last forever when you’re with the person you love.  Not only that, the time that you spend away from that person seems to take on a different quality as well.  People you couldn’t stand get a smile and the two minutes you couldn’t be bothered for seems easier to give.

While I’ve experienced both of the above examples, I’ll admit it was something I haven’t that left the little tug in my heart at the end of the movie.  It’s probably the intertwining of time and romance that is least likely to be real, the most mythical part of the romance novel or film.  It may be the reason I sit through sappy flicks, read romance novels, or even choose to write.

In The Lucky One, Logan ends up with a job at Beth’s home.  They are in contact every day.  She watches him reluctantly at first but as TIME goes by she ever so slightly opens herself up to possibility.  The circumstances of their existence give you the confidence that they have all the time in the world to get to where they are going – true love.

How many of us ever really get that? In my everyday life, even if I were to meet a man who I could be interested in (and I am finally ready to really date again), it would have to happen in the small openings of free time here or there.  He would have a job.  I would have a job.  There are family obligations and too many things crowding our lives for what happens in the movies to ever really happen in the light of day.

Sitting in that movie, I could believe for a second that there are places that exist where people have time to fall in love.  When I read a romance novel I enjoy all the time the leads have to spend together without reading about what happened in the 16 hours they weren’t together.  When I write, I can spend as much time as I want with any of my characters.  Is it too much to hope that a love can be organic instead of scheduled? Does love only happen that way when you are independently wealthy or a lottery winner? Or is it in the choices we make? Is it that when we are faced with finding the person we are attracted to, we must choose to see time differently? Do we make our own reality?  Does romance come from time or does time come from romance?

The Flawed Premise: How When Harry Met Sally Kept Me in the Friends Column

Entertainment Musings, Personal Musings, , , ,

Warning: Friends with Kids spoiler ahead…read at your own risk.

I think When Harry Met Sally ruined my life.  Well, at least I think it ruined my dating life.  I came to this conclusion after seeing the movie Friends with Kids this past weekend.  The premise is that two friends decide to have a kid together so they can skip the romance sucking whirlwind that children seem to be to a marriage and leave themselves open to romance in their future relationships with their respective “person”.  As in When Harry Met Sally, when the woman voices her love for her friend there is the inevitable break-up of the friendship, followed by the overwhelming romantic moment when the man realizes he was in love with her all along and pleads for her to still be in love with him.

For a good fifteen years I bought into waiting for, as have millions of other women, the moment when a man who has been your friend suddenly realizes he is emphatically in love with you.  It’s what should happen – what I should wait for!  If I can just be a good enough friend, one day it’ll pay off.  He’ll realize I’m the one.  While watching Friends with Kids I realized with horror that the truest moment in the movie, the one that has happened over and over in my own life, is the moment at the woman’s birthday dinner where she spills her secret and he honestly says to her, “I love you. You’re my best friend, but I’m not attracted to you.”

Truth is – in real life – that’s where the movie would end, and it would be a tragedy.  The guy moves awkwardly on and she spends the next year getting over her feelings just to go ahead and fall for another “friend”…always hoping for that When Harry Met Sally moment when the guy will realize it’s been her all along.

This realization made me consider how I’ve approached attraction and dating since viewing that Billy Crystal/Meg Ryan classic romantic comedy.  The thing is, I think, (I’m not a guy so I can’t know for sure) that guys aren’t looking for a best friend, at least initially.  I realize that I have been operating from a flawed premise.  While I may be able to fall in love with a best friend, a guy’s not going to really be my best friend until after he falls in love with me.  I have watched so many guys I’ve been “friends” with that I’ve had crushes on over the years pick/marry the girl that I looked at and thought, “Seriously?  She’s nothing like him.  They’ll never make it.  She doesn’t even like the same stuff he does.  How can he stand hanging out with her?”  What I didn’t see was the attraction that comes from the fact that she’s not like him; the mystery that comes from her otherness.

Once a man has put you in the friend column it’s extremely difficult to get out.  Unfortunately, I’ve been sticking myself into it on purpose for quite a while.  “Hi, let me show you how great I am at talking sports.  Let me listen to your stories about your ex or the girl across the way you want to hit on.  You want to hang out after your divorce but you’re not ready to date anyone yet?  Of course – that’s fine.”  I’ve been pretty stupid. (Caveat – if I wasn’t truly repressing my girly/romantic nature and trying to be his “friend” this wouldn’t have been stupid, but I was.) I like soap operas and romance novels.  I like when a guy opens the car door for me.  I like jewelry and flowers and chic flicks with other girls over football games with the guys.  I want to wear clothes that make him think I’m beautiful and desirable as opposed to non-threatening and laid back.  I want him to like my mind but not because it’s like his…I want him to like it because it’s mine.

Flipping it the other way, I wouldn’t really want a guy that acted like my girlfriends either!  When I look at my successful relationships there’s no question they didn’t start out as friendships.  In fact, only my biggest heart breaks have come from this common romantic comedy formula for love.  So why is it so hard to give up on this silly dream of the best guy friend that suddenly sees he’s been in love with you the whole time?  I’m not 100% sure but I definitely place a good portion of the blame on a guy named Harry and a girl named Sally.