Recently I decided to try the world of online dating again. I went back to a particularly well-known site that I had tried about 10 years ago because the number of people using it had grown exponentially and I thought that would guarantee a better experience than before. In a way I was right and in a way I was crazy. While there are so many more attractive men using online dating services than in the early 00’s and the stigma of admitting you’re on a dating site has decreased, I haven’t really been happy with my time there. I’ve searched my soul trying to decide if I’m just too picky or if maybe, I just really don’t want to be dating, but I haven’t come to any firm conclusions.
I can be a little picky, but not in the way you’d expect. I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect in the looks department, but the bar is set pretty high when it comes to his brain. With this is in mind, you can understand how frustrating it is to get one e-mail after another that doesn’t even attempt to show that they read my profile, or can manage a full sentence. I’m sorry guys but an e-mail that just says, “Hi!” leads me to believe you’re either lazy or lacking. Then there are the guys that must not be able to read. If the first line of my profile says I’m serious about you living in my city, I don’t really want e-mails from other states. So, while there seem to be more guys to choose from, it feels like the good ones are still pretty difficult to find.
Which leads me to my other concern regarding myself – not them – if I feel “done” and bored by the prospect of having to meet any more people after 1 week…do I really have it in me to FIND anyone? I’m thinking about pulling my profile because I ‘m already annoyed by one guy’s texts who I haven’t even met yet. He was probably just being nice when he texted me two mornings in a row just to say good morning and in the middle of the day after I had made plans to meet him later in the week for coffee, but I kind of felt like it was an intrusion on my time from someone I hadn’t had a chance to decide if I wanted in it or not.
I guess I just really don’t like the whole process. I know myself well enough to understand that it takes me a while to know if I’m into someone or not. People I find very attractive can become less so after spending time talking and people who at first I don’t find attractive can really grow on me. The thing is – with a dating site it’s hard to give the people who might grow on me a chance. It feels like so much work!
I ran into an old friend on the site and facebooked him instead of using the site’s communication system. We went out for drinks to catch up because despite mutual friends, we’d never really gotten to know one another. That was fun. He was attractive, intelligent, funny and I enjoyed the conversation. That experience leads me to think that it’s not the actual dating I’m having issues with – it’s the starting from scratch that irks me.
The laundry list of qualities that you use to narrow the search would never have led me to my past relationships. The ages, religions, and interests of my old boyfriends would all have been things I could have used to eliminate them – but those men I didn’t “match” with added up to the awesome years that were my early thirties.
I’m pretty sure after writing this blog that I’ll be pulling my profile in the next day or two. I don’t think my desire to “date” is strong enough. I do have a desire to be with someone, but not enough to continue a process that feels more burdensome than fun. I’m thinking I’ll return to the old what’s meant to be is what’s meant to be mentality and just keep my eyes open in my daily life. My life’s too happy and good as is to make it miserable by dating just to date!