All posts by Kimmy L. Davis

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About Kimmy L. Davis

I am a high school teacher that likes writing, art, and taking pictures of my beautiful nieces and nephew.

The Lucky One, Time, and Romance

Entertainment Musings, Personal Musings, , , ,

Watching the credits roll for The Lucky One, a few thoughts floated around in my head.  I pondered Zac Efron’s age and if it was appropriate for a woman my age to be so absolutely smitten and the fact that despite the panning from critics, it was a perfectly satisfying movie for its intended audience – hopeless romantics.  But the thought that brought me to my laptop relates to romance and our experience of time. I don’t think I’ve ever really noticed how intricately they connect.

Time is a funny thing.  When you’re doing something you love it can seem to fly by, or exactly the opposite, it can saunter and meander with the best of them.  For me, watching my favorite love stories always slows time down.  There’s something about settling into a film, liking the characters and trusting love will triumph no matter how bleak the picture so you mind as well enjoy the ride, that actually allows me to enjoy the ride.

In a way, real life love leads us into the same kind of experience.  There’s something about falling in love that lets you savor the moments. Days seem longer and hours last forever when you’re with the person you love.  Not only that, the time that you spend away from that person seems to take on a different quality as well.  People you couldn’t stand get a smile and the two minutes you couldn’t be bothered for seems easier to give.

While I’ve experienced both of the above examples, I’ll admit it was something I haven’t that left the little tug in my heart at the end of the movie.  It’s probably the intertwining of time and romance that is least likely to be real, the most mythical part of the romance novel or film.  It may be the reason I sit through sappy flicks, read romance novels, or even choose to write.

In The Lucky One, Logan ends up with a job at Beth’s home.  They are in contact every day.  She watches him reluctantly at first but as TIME goes by she ever so slightly opens herself up to possibility.  The circumstances of their existence give you the confidence that they have all the time in the world to get to where they are going – true love.

How many of us ever really get that? In my everyday life, even if I were to meet a man who I could be interested in (and I am finally ready to really date again), it would have to happen in the small openings of free time here or there.  He would have a job.  I would have a job.  There are family obligations and too many things crowding our lives for what happens in the movies to ever really happen in the light of day.

Sitting in that movie, I could believe for a second that there are places that exist where people have time to fall in love.  When I read a romance novel I enjoy all the time the leads have to spend together without reading about what happened in the 16 hours they weren’t together.  When I write, I can spend as much time as I want with any of my characters.  Is it too much to hope that a love can be organic instead of scheduled? Does love only happen that way when you are independently wealthy or a lottery winner? Or is it in the choices we make? Is it that when we are faced with finding the person we are attracted to, we must choose to see time differently? Do we make our own reality?  Does romance come from time or does time come from romance?

All Things Hunger Games

Entertainment Musings, , , ,

I am among the millions of Hunger Games readers that will be attending the first installment of the three-part series in a movie theater this weekend.  I’m also a member of a multigenerational fandom that may have started with young adult readers but now encompasses grade school kids through grandpas.  I am a reader that liked the Twilight series but found the writing to be at times one-dimensional and the plot simplistic.  But…The Hunger Games is no Twilight and anyone who equates the two shows they haven’t read the books or might be a vampire them self (not of this world).

The Hunger Games as a franchise has the potential to make Edward and Jacob eat dust.  Suzanne Collins beautifully crafts characters with layer upon layer to peel away as we dig deeper into her futuristic dystopia.  Her plot weaves together stories of friendships, family, love and sacrifice with politics, betrayal, violence and pride. To read the Hunger Games is to lose yourself in a world too grotesque for reality (or is it?) that you never want to leave if it means giving up Katniss, Gale, or Peeta.

I wish I hadn’t waited so long to read them.  I confess as a teacher of high school girls, I thought they were just a passing phase that I could live without.  I knew in the first few chapters how wrong I had been.  When Katniss takes the place of her sister whose name is drawn by lot to represent District 12 in the annual games where only one victor will stand alive, tears rolled down my cheeks.  It was the rare reading experience where I was so pulled in by the combination of language, cadence, plot, and character that I lost myself and became the story.  I became Katniss.  I lived inside her mind and became a better person for it.  I moved directly into Catching Fire (my favorite of the three) by downloading it immediately to my Kindle and barely waited a day for Mocking Jay.

There’s a part of me that worries I won’t fall in love with Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss, or think that Josh Hutcherson or Liam Hemsworth are worthy of my affection. Yet I trust in the quality of the product.  As long as it stays true to the saga there’s little chance of disappointment.  I wonder if watching the horror of the games on the big screen will bring on the same reflections about the consequences of our desensitization as a culture to violence, or the possible ramifications of a “reality tv” world.  Mostly I just hope that I can be transported from a room with hundreds of other people into a life or death struggle in which true relationships are formed and felt.  I yearn to experience the feeling that I don’t ever want to leave the theater if it means giving up Katniss, Gale, or Peeta.  Arrrgh…I can’t wait!

Hey Ya’ll! I’m (Maybe) Excited about Emily Maynard as the Next Bachelorette!

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , ,

Emily Maynard is the next Bachelorette.  Old news, I know, BUT for the first time since hearing it, I’m sort of excited.  My initial reaction to the reveal wasn’t positive.  I was disappointed that the franchise would again go with a runner up instead of bringing in fresh blood.  On the heels of my disappointment in goofball Ben’s fiasco of a season, I was ready to give up on all things Bachelor/ette.  I guess I could just be feeling the need for optimism, but I think there’s potential that Emily’s season could be one of the best ever.

There’s no denying that Emily has the “it” factor.  The camera loves her.  After catching part of the episode this season where Ashley and Ally helped her dress shop, I was charmed by her charisma. It seems like a given that the Bachelorette should be beautiful (inside and out, but for now let’s focus on the out), but how many seasons have we dealt with disappointments in this area?  Sure we fell in love with Ashley, Ally, Jillian, and Jen, but not since Trista have we really seen the total package.  Part of the fun of watching the Bachelorette is to see gorgeous, dreamy men fall all over themselves and compete for the girl!  For the first time in a great while there’s the chance a group of men will indeed, truly be gorgeous AND dreamy because it seems like all men find Emily to be gorgeous and dreamy!

Then there’s the fact that she might be beautiful on the inside as well.  I’ll admit that after her season with Brad, I indulged in the gossip and rumors that she was probably in it for the publicity and fame, but I think I may have to revise that opinion. I started thinking about the fact that the show is making the unprecedented move to hold events in her hometown instead of making her come to LA. The fact that she demanded this shows she really does put family first and isn’t just interested in another Hollywood experience.  She wants the men to see where and how she lives and to be able to make a commitment fully knowing what they’re getting into. That’s savvy.

Finally, I’m excited because after a season like Ben’s, how can this one not be better?  Anything in comparison will seem like a success.  On Ben’s season watching the women was tiring and icky.  Men are always more interesting to watch in the house.  The villain angle with Courtney really hurt viewers buying into Ben’s final choice.  We’ve already seen the “Bentley” character that wanted Emily over Ashley, so hopefully there won’t be any major villains involved.

The elements are in place. You’ve got the girl that every man desires.  There will be men that every woman will want to watch.  The tragedy of Emily’s past with her first love and her experience with Brad will have the audience hungering for a true “love that heals all” experience!  If the producers can keep their grimy hands out of it and let a realistic and genuine love story unfold, this could turn into one of my favorite seasons ever.

The Flawed Premise: How When Harry Met Sally Kept Me in the Friends Column

Entertainment Musings, Personal Musings, , , ,

Warning: Friends with Kids spoiler ahead…read at your own risk.

I think When Harry Met Sally ruined my life.  Well, at least I think it ruined my dating life.  I came to this conclusion after seeing the movie Friends with Kids this past weekend.  The premise is that two friends decide to have a kid together so they can skip the romance sucking whirlwind that children seem to be to a marriage and leave themselves open to romance in their future relationships with their respective “person”.  As in When Harry Met Sally, when the woman voices her love for her friend there is the inevitable break-up of the friendship, followed by the overwhelming romantic moment when the man realizes he was in love with her all along and pleads for her to still be in love with him.

For a good fifteen years I bought into waiting for, as have millions of other women, the moment when a man who has been your friend suddenly realizes he is emphatically in love with you.  It’s what should happen – what I should wait for!  If I can just be a good enough friend, one day it’ll pay off.  He’ll realize I’m the one.  While watching Friends with Kids I realized with horror that the truest moment in the movie, the one that has happened over and over in my own life, is the moment at the woman’s birthday dinner where she spills her secret and he honestly says to her, “I love you. You’re my best friend, but I’m not attracted to you.”

Truth is – in real life – that’s where the movie would end, and it would be a tragedy.  The guy moves awkwardly on and she spends the next year getting over her feelings just to go ahead and fall for another “friend”…always hoping for that When Harry Met Sally moment when the guy will realize it’s been her all along.

This realization made me consider how I’ve approached attraction and dating since viewing that Billy Crystal/Meg Ryan classic romantic comedy.  The thing is, I think, (I’m not a guy so I can’t know for sure) that guys aren’t looking for a best friend, at least initially.  I realize that I have been operating from a flawed premise.  While I may be able to fall in love with a best friend, a guy’s not going to really be my best friend until after he falls in love with me.  I have watched so many guys I’ve been “friends” with that I’ve had crushes on over the years pick/marry the girl that I looked at and thought, “Seriously?  She’s nothing like him.  They’ll never make it.  She doesn’t even like the same stuff he does.  How can he stand hanging out with her?”  What I didn’t see was the attraction that comes from the fact that she’s not like him; the mystery that comes from her otherness.

Once a man has put you in the friend column it’s extremely difficult to get out.  Unfortunately, I’ve been sticking myself into it on purpose for quite a while.  “Hi, let me show you how great I am at talking sports.  Let me listen to your stories about your ex or the girl across the way you want to hit on.  You want to hang out after your divorce but you’re not ready to date anyone yet?  Of course – that’s fine.”  I’ve been pretty stupid. (Caveat – if I wasn’t truly repressing my girly/romantic nature and trying to be his “friend” this wouldn’t have been stupid, but I was.) I like soap operas and romance novels.  I like when a guy opens the car door for me.  I like jewelry and flowers and chic flicks with other girls over football games with the guys.  I want to wear clothes that make him think I’m beautiful and desirable as opposed to non-threatening and laid back.  I want him to like my mind but not because it’s like his…I want him to like it because it’s mine.

Flipping it the other way, I wouldn’t really want a guy that acted like my girlfriends either!  When I look at my successful relationships there’s no question they didn’t start out as friendships.  In fact, only my biggest heart breaks have come from this common romantic comedy formula for love.  So why is it so hard to give up on this silly dream of the best guy friend that suddenly sees he’s been in love with you the whole time?  I’m not 100% sure but I definitely place a good portion of the blame on a guy named Harry and a girl named Sally.

Entertainment? I Like What I Like and I’m Not Gonna Lie…

Entertainment Musings

Last night I admitted to being a Once Upon a Time fan.  What makes this admission brave is that I admitted it to someone who was involved in a rousing discussion on the excellence of a particular cult favorite cable show.  I almost bit my tongue, but then thought “whatever.” I like what I like and I’m not embarrassed.  While I was pleasantly surprised that this person was fine with my confession, it has been a more common experience that people who consider themselves “artistic” exhibit snobbery regarding main stream entertainment.

Let me put this out there: I watch General Hospital daily, I blog about the Bachelorette, I love Survivor, Once Upon a Time, and Suburgatory. I don’t have cable. With a digital antenna and Tivo, I haven’t felt the need. I can find everything I want to watch on broadcast TV or the internet. I like romantic comedies, and sometimes really cheesy adventure films.  It doesn’t have to win an Oscar or an Emmy for it to be my new favorite experience, in fact most of my favorites don’t.

I dislike when people put down my shows for lack of “artistic” quality, or the fact that they’re too simple or have been done before! Entertainment…hmmm…I see the word entertain in there.  Yes, television and movies can change society and the world.  Yes, television and the movies sometimes have the responsibility to educate.  But for the vast majority of people, television and movies are entertainment that allows escape from the doldrums of daily life.

I want to watch people fall in love, be saved, die, get hurt, forgive each other, and seek revenge.  In my daily life I don’t tend to see much of that.  I want to watch it somewhere safe where I can experience things but not on such a level I can’t sleep after watching it. And if “artistic” endeavors give you that experience then all the more power to them and you, but don’t think that what I felt when I cried at the Huntsman’s death on Once Upon a Time was any less important or different from when you cried at The English Patient.  Don’t think that my experience of Allie and Noah’s love in The Notebook or Jack and Rose in Titanic is any less of an emotion than yours when you watched Casablanca.

Good entertainment elicits a feeling of communion with what you’re watching.  Just because I easily commune with shows that don’t push the envelope doesn’t make me any less a connoisseur than you. In fact, I think it gives me an edge because I have infinitely more chances of finding something good to watch!

Singledom, Marriage, and Divorce

Personal Musings, ,

Lately it seems I have been surrounded by divorce.  Having grown up in a family of relatively stable marriages my experience with divorce has been somewhat limited. Now however, it seems every which way I turn, another friend has filed.  Some of these separations weren’t shocking.  I knew sitting in the church that divorce would one day rear its head in those relationships. Others shook me; I had truly believed they would make it. All of them have caused serious contemplation of life and partnership.

I think I like being single.  I am pretty sure that I enjoy my alone time and own space. What has been hard over the years is the disappearance of married friends as they built homes and families. Of course, I have been included in their lives as much as possible, but it was obvious our life experiences were miles apart and that they had as much interest in my latest date as I did in their child’s diaper rash.

As divorces take over the present, I have found all of a sudden friends that have shared custody of kids have free time on their hands.  My social life has been on the upswing.  And I’m not talking about nights of drinking and looking for men.  I’m talking about friendly lunches, dinners, movies, and conversations where more is discussed than the daily routine.  Recently though, one friend – after a few glasses of wine – confessed that while she was happy to be out of that particular relationship, she wanted to find a new love to commit to and build a life with.  She didn’t want “this” life. My life.

I have to admit at first it was hard not to be insulted. But, I do realize that just as she’s not lived my life – I’ve not lived hers.  While she is unaware of the bliss that can come from true independence, I lack perspective on the bliss that can come from true partnership. Still, as more and more of my friends separate, I kind of feel like I dodged a bullet.  If they were all going to end up where I am anyway, (because most say that even though they want a committed relationship again, they don’t want marriage) then why bother with all the societally induced angst over missing out on marriage?

I have seen good marriages, a lot of them later in life and a lot of them second and third marriages.  I think that if I ever met someone that I wanted to build a common dream with, I might be convinced to sign on the dotted line, but I’m not 100% convinced it’s worth it.  My friends and I have taken different paths but in a roundabout way we’ve all ended up in the same place.  The biggest difference is children. For some friends they were the primary reason to marry to begin with. The older I get the more I feel like that ship has sailed anyway.

I don’t really have a conclusion to draw from all this.  I think some friends will re-marry and get it right the second time, some will re-marry and divorce again, some will stay single and love it, and some will stay single and be miserable.  As for me, I can honestly say that up to this point in my life, I have never experienced misery from being single.  I have experienced joy and the feeling of loving my life.  I think if you can say that, then you’re on the right path no matter what lifestyle you’re living.

Losing Weight and Gaining Self?

Personal Musings

On the way out for a dinner with friends I started getting anxious about the fact there would be people attending I almost never see.  Not only that I almost never see, but people that when I do see I feel incredibly awkward around, people that I edit myself around to the point where I am not myself.  As the anxiety wrapped its familiar grip around my heart, I was suddenly overcome by a sense of peace and confidence.  It was like my soul was speaking to my ego saying, “No, that’s not who you are anymore.  You know yourself, you like yourself.  They’re people – just people and you are a good and impressive person.”

That comfort stayed with me through the evening, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and is still humming in me as I write this.  I have been pondering why now? What is it in my life that has finally allowed me to feel this authentic confidence in myself?

When I was younger I was physically confident.  I liked my body and knew that others liked it, too.  I knew I wasn’t going to be excluded from things or judged because of my looks, and I often used my looks to gain acceptance.  I think that maybe that’s where I was in my personal understanding of self when I met this group of people.  I remember clearly thinking that I didn’t want to talk for fear they would think I was a fraud or didn’t have anything good enough to say.  I knew that they wouldn’t judge me negatively on the outside, so why give them a chance at the inside? This refusal to open myself up to criticism or rejection played out in my personal life as well.  I would choose relationships where I knew the other person liked the outside, not realizing that it was the inside stuff that sustained real romance.

After years of relationships that never got to the level I wanted, I started to see that I needed to be seeking someone who was into the inside me.  Unfortunately this also ended in self sabotage.  My discomfort now came from my physical self.  I didn’t want to be used for it and started to hide it.  This manifested in weight gain.  I put on 60 pounds in 8 years.  The relationships I was in during that time and the friendships I formed were deeper and sincerely based on my inside self, but I was still hiding. I hid beneath the fat and used the defense that if someone really loved me for me they would look beyond the weight.  It didn’t matter.

About 4 months ago I joined Jenny Craig and have lost 30 of those 60 pounds I started hiding behind. I am feeling really good about myself physically and spiritually.  I feel like I am finally ready to be my whole self. That was what dawned on me in the car as I drove to dinner.  I felt pretty and smart.  I felt like I was ready to let these people see me, all of me.  And, I did.  I left the dinner feeling gratitude for the experiences that have shaped me, gratitude for the changes that are taking root in my life, and genuine affection for my dinner mates. I can’t wait to see what the future holds now that I feel like I both know myself inside and like who I am on the outside.

Not a good “Ben”ginning…

Entertainment Musings,

I was not one of the Ben lovers who wanted a whole season of his goofy yet sincere person looking for love. After the first episode of this season’s The Bachelor, I have to say, nothing has changed. If anything my opinion of Ben got worse with viewing. Now, I’m not impugning his character. He is obviously a genuinely nice guy looking for love, but choosing Ben has, in my opinion, led the producers to some decisions I think will kill the season.

Why in the world would they cast the group of women they did? There were probably four or five normal, pretty girls in the group. I thought there might be more until camera angles and crying dramas revealed the hideous truth. Do you think there’s a shortage of women who want to be on the Bachelor? No. I think there’s a shortage of women that want to be on the Bachelor who want to be with someone like Ben. Well, maybe a shortage of women who fit the ideal of what it takes to get on the show. I don’t mean to be shallow but we really don’t want to watch normal people fall in love. Watching The Bachelor is about escape and fantasy.

Ben is cute and Ben is goofy and Ben with Ashley was romantic, sweet, and almost everything we could all want in a guy. Women wanted to be to be loved like Ben was loving her. When you take away the context of Ben being recognized for the diamond in the rough, sincere, loyal and cute man that he is by Ashley, he becomes an average Joe. Everybody says they want an average Joe – until they get him.

Ben was amazed at the plethora of amazingly beautiful women before him. Why? Because he couldn’t get some of those women to look twice at him in real life at the bar! As we watched, looking for a Prince Charming, we found Ben in awww shucks mode clapping his hands like a kid and engaging in discussions with women like, “you do not, yes you do, no you don’t, yes you do”. Jr. High banter if I’ve ever heard it.

So then, what have the producers done that have probably killed the season for me? A bisexual woman who hits on another woman and he keeps her! And he keeps the psycho blogger Carrie Bradshaw wannabe? No way Ben chose them on his own. No way that girl got the idea to bring her grandmother with her on her own. The producers know that we’re not gonna be able to invest in Ben’s choices. They pretty much are saying the season’s gonna suck so let’s make sure we fill it with all kinds of drama and bad girl scenes so that maybe we’ll bring in new viewers who watch other cable reality shows like that.

The Bachelor has never been a virtuous show and most of the time it’s not even about real love, but in few other seasons have I had less hope of someone ending up with a real relationship. When the producer’s have a love story like Ashley and JP, Trista and Ryan, Allie and Roberto, or Jason and Molly they NEVER edit for the drama the way they did last night. My hopes of Ben finding real love in that group are pretty slim. I’ll think he’ll be dumped as soon as the fame goes away.

If I had to pick people I hope he keeps awhile they would be: Jennifer the red-haired accountant who introduced herself with numbers, Lindzi the first impression rose horse girl, or Jamie the nurse who stayed out of the drama. I think they each will be around awhile, but my bet is this season is more like Jake P.’s. Women wanted Jake but when they got Jake they got a season of Vienna. I don’t know who Ben will choose but I REALLY hope the season gets better quickly.

After The Final Rose… One Happy Viewer

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings, , , , , , ,

Another season of the Bachelorette has come and gone and I have to say, despite a less than promising beginning, I am a totally satisfied viewer. Not because I think Ashley was the greatest bachelorette ever, in fact she was somewhat dull and insecure, and not because the producers filled the season with drama that was unnecessary and at times ridiculous.  I am a satisfied viewer because I feel like I watched a genuine love story that will actually end in marriage.

Ashley wasn’t always fun to watch.  Her insecurities early on were annoying and somewhat overwhelming.  I wanted to reach out and shake her and say to her, “Seriously? You’re the freaking bachelorette! Act like it.”  Watching the final episode though gave me some insight (whether real or not) that helped me revise my thoughts on her self – esteem issues.  I mean, come on, with a sister like that, who needs enemies?  I know she apologized and after watching the season realized what an idiot she was, but had I grown up with someone who obviously didn’t trust any of my instincts – I’m not sure I wouldn’t be as messed up as Ashley felt.  My heart almost broke for J.P. when on the beach she said she just had to figure it out and he responded, “I kind of thought you already had.”

As for the producers and their drama…of course it’s a double-edged sword.  We need the drama to make it interesting, and when you pit 25 guys against each other for one girl you’re going to get some, but did they really have to drag the Bentley saga out for as long as they did?  And, at this point I have to question how much manipulation there was in Ashley’s behavior with Ben the night before the proposals and at the proposal itself.  He was blindsided. Part of it was his fault – he never considered the possibility that she could be having feelings for someone else and he didn’t pay attention to her response when he pointed out she didn’t have a ring on yet.  Did they have to let him get down on one knee? This has been an argument among viewers since Jason Mesnick came in #2. It has merit…making the loser propose just seems cruel.

Still, as I watch Ashley and J.P. doing the required talk show tours, it’s impossible not to feel it was all worth it.  The look that J.P. gets when he sees her is one of real devotion.  I have no doubt that what started on the show has grown exponentially through their Skype sessions and weekends together.  It was smart of the show to finally cave and let the couples see each other during the break.  Ashley is serious about moving to New York and it looks like they’re serious about a wedding next fall.  As to all the rumors of him cheating etc…even Reality Steve says they’re bogus.  When a guy that lives to make fun of and debunk the show says they’re for real – they’re for real.

So, I’m glad I watched and I’m really hoping for a televised wedding next fall.  For any of you doubters out there I am willing to make a bet that this marriage happens.  First five people who want to bet five dollars on it, send me a comment.  I say solid wedding plans will be in the works by Dec. 2012. And now…onto Bachelor Pad!
*****As far as the next Bachelor is concerned, I don’t want Ben or Ames…maybe Ryan P. or Michael Stagliano, but I REALLY want someone NEW!

On Second Look…The Men Tell All

Entertainment Musings, , , , ,

The” Men Tell All” special is generally hands down a better show than “Women Tell All”.  The men lay it all out fairly and honestly while the women get caught up in the cattiness.  The men are able to understand that they just weren’t the one, while the women keep pining away thinking of they’d only had more time.  While both men and women tend to gang up on one or two people who may (William) or may not (Ryan P.) have deserved it, only with the men do you notice guys who you never noticed during the season due to editing shine when given the chance to speak and interact with others.

I’m sure many people will disagree with me, but watching William’s montage and his interview only served to heighten my sense that the guy is indeed, in his own words, a jackass.  He may have been trying to feel sorry, or trying to appear the nice guy, but it was obvious to everyone that he threw Ben C. under the bus and that his roast of Ashley was based in his own truth.  Ultimately, I think he’s just a little immature, but there’s also a bit of a hidden manipulator with low self-esteem hiding inside.

Alternatively, Ryan P. is a decent and genuine guy who sincerely hoped for a relationship with Ashley.  The guys mercilessly made fun of him on the show and in person on “Men Tell All”.  Seems to me that a lot of what bothered some of the guys about Ryan was their own discomfort with his feminine side.  Ryan, like Jason Mesnick before him, has a true wholeness about him.  He’s able to be open with his emotions and is always optimistic.  When he admitted he read the books filled with questions  the guys snickered and laughed, but given the choice, I’d want the man who took the process seriously enough to prepare.  Blake seemed to be the one giving it to him the hardest and I have to say, having watched Blake’s reaction to the Bentley revelation, Ryan is the more mature and better man by far.  There’s a reason they picked Blake to be on the Bachelor Pad with the likes of Kasey, Rated R, Graham Bunn, and Jake Pavelka.

My final thoughts on the “Men Tell All” episode have to do with the guys that shine.  The ones you think, if only she’d seen you this comfortable you could’ve been a contender.  This is unique to the guys show.  Very rarely is there a woman that you think, “Oh, he should’ve kept her.” Tonight’s winner was obviously Nick.  Well spoken, compassionate, and fair, he went after the jerks of the group bringing objective and common sense questions to the table.  I love it when a guy can defend his peers when everyone else is attacking.  Highly evolved men like that are one in a million and definitely the kind of man I’d want to date.

In the end, I can’t wait for tomorrow night’s show.  I am a firm believer that Ashley is right this minute in love and engaged to one J.P. Rosenbaum.  I hope they will be a couple that will follow in the footsteps of Trista and Ryan, Andrew and Jen (even though they didn’t make it long-term – I think it was real.) Jason and Molly, and Ally and Roberto.  My only concern still centers on Ashley herself.  Can she love herself enough to let someone else truly love her? The fact that J.P. is older and wiser gives them a chance…Good luck to them.  Or to her and Ben, if I’ve missed the boat on what true love looks like.

Ashley’s True Love – Viewer vs. Production – Who Knows the Truth?

Bachelorette, Entertainment Musings

The thing about the Bachelorette is that from this point on, it’s a game between viewers and producers for us to either figure out or them to hide who Ashley chooses. I have to admit that if I were a new viewer, I would be confused and enticed after last night’s hometown date edit. It seemed that Ashley was interested in and had four “amazing” guys. There were no crazy relatives with stuffed animals in the basement, or huge behavior errors from anyone. Each person involved seemed sincere and willing to take a chance in love. However, despite the sincerity with which the game was played, there can be no doubt that in the end JP will take home the final rose.

The night started out with Constantine who, I admit, has slowly grown on me. Had this been a real life timeline they may have had a chance, but it’s not and Constantine is just too level-headed to fall in love on television. Still, Constantine’s family was straight out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Ashley “fell in love” with them. If we were to only listen to everything that Ashley had to say this season we would have a jumbled mess that didn’t give us a clue. But this is a show we can see what’s happening and as much as she loved his family – the chemistry just didn’t compare to what she has with Ben or JP.

But it could easily top what she had with Ames. Personally, I think Ames is a sweet and intelligent man who will make some woman very happy. That woman isn’t Ashley and we all knew it from the moment she hemmed and hawed to his sister about her feelings. Ames comes from an awesome family no doubt, but I think I would always be worried about not being smart enough with them. His sister was one of the most impressive and well spoken women I have seen on reality television EVER. How sweet was the picnic under the magnolia tree and the explanation of Italian renaissance love? But Ashley isn’t quite as nerdy as Ames, no matter how much they think they’re alike and we all knew Ames would be saying goodbye. If we didn’t know it before that awkward kiss, there was no doubt after.

The final two dates with Ben and JP were both edited to make us believe either could be the fiancé of choice. Ben’s date was sweet and filled with meaningful glances. Ashley loved his family and we saw Ben truly open up to his mother about his feelings. Ben is definitely in it to win it, and there are many fans who believe he will be the one. Still, if you watch the goodbyes, there’s no doubt that he’s staunchly planted in second place.

The producers tried to pull one over on us by editing comments to make us question whether JP is actually in love with Ashley yet. They have shown us a few times already that Ben has crossed into love territory. But if you watch Ashley and JP’s date you see that she was always trying to kiss him and touch him, and he ADMITTED to his brother he wants her to pick him now. The Ashley/JP date was clearly the hands down winner, from skating to REO Speedwagon, to laughing at his Bar Mitzvah mullet, to watching her win over his beautiful mother, no question why they saved it for last.

Everything we see between Ashley and JP tells us they’re engaged. Every edit that’s made by the producers causes us to question whether what we’re seeing is reality. Despite the previews that make it seem like she and JP have rough waters ahead we can be fairly certain that he’s the man for her.

The Case for Ryan…

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One of the hardest moments to watch in Monday night’s Bachelorette episode was when it dawned on Ryan that Ashley was not going home to meet his family and was, in fact, sending him home. His eyes evoked a gut response similar to watching someone yell at a puppy. We understood why Ashley was sending him home, but it was obvious he didn’t. Despite his edit as someone who’s a little cheesy, who the guys can’t stand, and who Ashley never really gave a chance, a case can be made for bringing the man back next season. Ryan could possibly be only the second successfully married Bachelor in history if given the chance.

There’s no doubt that Ryan has the looks to make 25 girls fawn all over him. With the help of a stylist, he would easily make  top five  of the most handsome Bachelors in the franchise. He may smile all the time, but it’s a beautiful and sincere smile. He also has the personality. The fact that Ryan grated on the nerves of almost every man there doesn’t mean the same things as it did with characters like Vienna. When a group of women doesn’t like another woman in the house it’s usually for good reasons and the Bachelor just takes longer to see it. But these guys didn’t like Ryan for what? Because he was happy? Ryan has a little too much of a feminine side in him to be the “Guys guy”.

But you know, Jason Mesnick had a tender side.  So did Andrew Firestone. Had Jen Schefft had been psychologically able to stay in California, far from her family, Andrew Firestone would have ended up being the first married Bachelor. The fact that he was ready and she wasn’t was evident in her season of the Bachelorette. Jason was amazingly ready to get married and look what happened. Had the show been able to convince Chris Lambton from Allie’s season to become the next Bachelor, he would have ended up married too. It was obvious in his demeanor and maturity that he knew where he wanted his life to go. Tada! He’s engaged to Peyton Wright from Bachelor Pad.

The Bachelor/Bachelorette needs a string of good relationships after the messes with Jake /Vienna and Brad/Emily.  I believe after watching this past episode that it’s possible Ashley may find love. The relationships she has with JP and Ben seem honest and sincerely romantic. Following up Ashley’s love story with Ryan would be a smart move.  He may not have all the audience’s love now, but he’d win us over…if the world can handle the cheese of Andy Baldwin they can handle the genuinely positive outlook of Ryan.

***

Things I loved this episode and other insights:

  • Emily definitely has botoxed her forehead.
  •  Ben reminds me of Kermit the Frog but I like that he is “falling in love” with her.
  • Loved watching JP get jealous but was happy he just whined about it and didn’t get angry with her.
  • JP knows her well. He was the one who hit the nail on the head with why she skipped the cocktail party. “I think it’s just a continuation of her date with Ryan.”
  • Ashley’s body language with Lucas in their “wedding” pics said it all. Looking at those pics he had to know he was going.
  • Constantine grew on me and I liked what he said to her about the fact that she sees in him what he wants others to see in him. I think that’s a big part of beginning a good love relationship.
  • Was anyone else thinking about Rapunzel with the whole lantern date? ABC? Disney? Shameless.
  • Was it a sign that JP got the only rose before the ceremony? When I watched last season I thought there was no way he was picking Emily because it was so obvious that she was the one he wanted…are they doing the same thing, or tricking us? Arrrgh!

“Entertainment News” or “Network B.S.” – Neither is Neutral or Fair.

Entertainment Musings, Personal Musings

***This reflection is about the power of the media. You may or may not agree with my opinion on the cases I mention, but I’m not trying to take a stand on the cases. I believe you are entitled to your opinion. Please read with that in mind.

So, I’ve been debating writing about the Casey Anthony trial because it’s such a hot button issue, but I am relenting and writing due to some internal need to share my thoughts. While I do believe that she probably is guilty, the main thing that bothers me is how this trial became “entertainment” for the country.  How can you not call something entertainment when it is showcased on Entertainment Tonight, Extra!, and written about in US Weekly?  I guess it all started with O.J., as the news outlets are quick to tell me, but it has really got me thinking about the role that the media plays in shaping the world we live in.

One of the things I found so disturbing about this particular case is how the media covered it from the guilty until proven innocent standpoint. Sure they seemed to do the opposite but it was always with a wink, wink. Let us show you the “evidence” they would say. Well, excuse me but if the true “evidence” was so compelling, shouldn’t the prosecution have been able to convict? It’s not the first time I have seen this happen with our media. I say our media purposefully because we as a people choose what gets airtime or not in this country with what we choose to watch. They blame the “CSI” effect…that a jury has to be shown DNA and that a case has to be tied up with a ribbon on top. Excuse me? Aren’t you the ones that made the CSI effect famous AND since when can you convict for a murder where you can’t concretely identify cause of death?

I think these thoughts started brewing in me with the Anthony Weiner scandal, even though I can take the examples back further. I watched as the coverage built from a small story to one in which the media actually controlled the message telling him to resign. His colleagues, his constituents, many people looked at the mess as a personal one. But the shows mentioned above, along with the mainstream news media refused to drop the issue and when other people in power realized this, they capitulated for fear that they too may face the wrath of “The Media”. So now, an extremely effective and well liked politician’s career is down the drain and the New Yorkers he served are at a loss. His actions were reprehensible – again – it’s not about him. Who gave the media the right to tell him to resign or the power to scare others into making it happen? Was it us? I wanted so badly for him to force their hand, to stand up and just say, “No, I’m not resigning – take whatever steps necessary, but I’ll do my job exactly as I did my job before this scandal.”

Let me stop here to say that whether or not he lied, the severity of his crime or where his “pics” were taken, my issue is with the power of the media in the situation. They called for his dismissal as much as they called for Casey Anthony’s conviction. In Weiner’s case they won, in Casey Anthony’s, though she didn’t get convicted, they created an environment where she will never be safe from psychos that think they know the truth. I know because I have friends out there posting that she will get what’s coming to her – and they are the sane ones who wouldn’t really hurt anyone.

It’s a scary situation when a group can sway public opinion so openly and with little effort or proof. In studying for my Communications degree almost 20 years ago, I remember teachers drilling into me the fact that ethics and responsibility play a vital part in the role of media in our country. I was taught how to write headlines for articles that were neutral and didn’t take sides or influence opinions. I guess the lack of responsibility and neutrality of the “entertainment” news media wouldn’t bother me so much if I could tell a difference between it and outlets that claim to be unbiased real news sources. As it is now, instead of being the integral safeguard of society that protects us from corruption, evil influence, and lies, I truly feel these organizations are at the heart of what’s wrong with the direction our country is headed.

Bachelorette Ashley Has Baby Squirrel Syndrome

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This morning driving to work a baby squirrel barreled towards the road in front of me. I stepped on my breaks and as I did, the squirrel turned and ran back towards safety. Then suddenly, he turned and ran straight for the road again. Thank goodness I stopped in time. There have been times in my life where I’ve suffered from baby squirrel syndrome. I’ve psyched myself up to try something and began running straight for the goal, only to turn around at the first sign of danger. Had I stopped there, I might have been considered mature, or conversely a coward, but things would never have degenerated into road kill. The mistake of the baby squirrel was in suddenly reversing and running headlong into danger. It was as if he became confused in his fear and over reacted in a way that could have cost him his little life.

The Bachelorette’s Ashley Hebert seems to be suffering from baby squirrel syndrome this season as well, first with Bentley, then with her decision to tell the others about the Bentley saga. In the beginning Ashley knew Bentley was trouble. She’d been told so by Michelle Money through texts before the show. I can see where maybe she wouldn’t have listened; she and Michelle weren’t the best of friends in their fight for Brad. But she ran towards the road anyway and it seemed like she had made the turn for an episode or two when Bentley left and we saw some decent progress with her, JP, and Ben!

Ultimately though, baby squirrel syndrome took over and she became confused and fearful running right back into the road. It was painful to watch how hopeful she was when she was told Bentley was in the hotel. For those of us who have been manipulated by guys as suave and snake-like as Bentley it was like watching a cat play with a mouse and we knew that the mouse would lose. No doubt about it, even with her assertive “*&#@ you” after their meeting, as an audience we knew she had tire tracks all over her.

The one thing she had going for her at this point was the fact that none of the guys was aware of her recent confusion and immaturity. She seemed lighter, more sure of herself, and really ready to move on and give the guys a chance. Cue repeat of the syndrome. Now, there are arguments that can be made for telling J.P. the truth. If her feelings are as strong for him as she said, full disclosure and honesty is important. But she could also have waited until they were stronger as a couple or even engaged to say, “Hey – you might not like the first few weeks of the show.” She was lucky that the driver on the road – J.P. – was compassionate and understanding, and probably already in love with her.

I have to think that J.P. probably felt a lot like I did watching the squirrel run right back into the road when he heard her telling the other guys. She’d already been luckier than she deserved in his reaction and then she decides to lay it all out there for everyone else? Poor Mickey and Blake accidentally over-corrected and hit her hard, while Constantine and Lucas just seemed to step on the gas. (Side note here: the whole scene was a tribute to the fragility of the male ego…even J.P. had to get in on the action and rub it into the other guys that she told him first.)

I really hope that with all of this behind her she can be cured of her ailment and develop a decent relationship with one of the deserving guys left, but the previews don’t bode well. The producers are either trying to entice us to keep watching with drama because the rest of the season is dull due to her obvious love for J.P. or Ben, or it really was a train wreck and they have no choice in the matter. I still don’t want to give up hope. As sick as she is, I’d like her to find love.

The Bachelorette, Bentley and the Producer’s Mistake

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I’ve been mulling this over for about three weeks now, and since the power’s out and there are numerous tornado warnings for everywhere around me I thought: What better time to express my thoughts on the train wreck that is Bentley.  I 100% blame the producers for thinking that Ashley, in and of herself, wouldn’t be interesting to watch fall in love, and I take some blame for being one of the vocal fans that said I had no desire to watch her.  People like me may have given the producers a slight scare, thus creating this debacle of insecurities and rudeness.

When you start a show with a former contestant texting the Bachelorette and warning her that someone’s not there for the right reasons it smacks of a set up.  I know – it’s a reality show – I don’t  believe there’s no manipulation present, but when you have previous couples married with kids it does lead you to hope that there could be true love in the show’s future…anyway. When Ashley first started liking Bentley we could all relate. BUT, we were all hoping she would be smarter than we were in real life and figure it out.  Turns out Bentley is a master manipulator and very hard to read.  I don’t totally blame Ashley for falling for his schtick.

Buy here’s the mistake I think the producer’s made.  We Bachelorette watchers are first and foremost a crowd looking for love.  We enjoy the romance and want to see something that convinces us two lonely people have found each other.  In carrying on this Bentley saga for as many episodes as they have, the producers have undermined the trust in the process that viewers like me use as a reason to still watch.  At five episodes in, do we really think she’ll be able to get over this guy and like someone else enough to get engaged?

The thing is, there have been sparks between Ashley and other guys.  I think she did find love and I think that she knew earlier on than they’re showing us.  My question becomes, “Why the hell weren’t you showing me the romance I wanted to see…that would make me believe in her relationship?”  Focusing in Bentley diminishes her attraction to the other guys and highlights her insecurities.  Maybe they think that makes for good TV, but what it really makes for is an audience that doesn’t really like their Bachelorette.

When you watch Ben F. and J.P. it’s easy to fall in love, but instead of getting to revel in the guys we like and want to see her fall for, we’re distracted by this asshole that the producers decided makes for good TV. MISTAKE.  Bentley isn’t fun to watch. He isn’t the guy we want to see her with.  He makes me like her less AND he keeps me from seeing her develop real relationships with the guys the audience enjoys.  If I didn’t read Reality Steve I wouldn’t even watch the rest of the season. Pathetic that a guy that makes fun of the show is the only thing keeping me tuned in. I’m a hopeless romantic and can’t give up on my happy ending.