All posts by Kimmy L. Davis

About Kimmy L. Davis

I am a high school teacher that likes writing, art, and taking pictures of my beautiful nieces and nephew.

Dream it, be it?

Personal Musings

Who doesn’t like dreams? Sweet dreams, big dreams, pipe dreams, we’re taught in our culture that, “Ya gotta have dreams.” The other day I was contemplating a tarot card about dreams. The seven of cups is sometimes interpreted as being so caught up in your dreams and imagination that it might be hard to see reality. I caught myself saying aloud as I looked at the card, “If you can dream it, you can be it.” But is it the act of dreaming that leads becoming all you can be?

Popular theories on thoughts becoming things sometimes lead people to believe that the dream is enough, that a vision board is a magic wand that brings everything you want into your life. I’m torn regarding this thought process. On the one hand I have vision boarded for years, even before I knew what I was doing. I have dreamed about goals, and jobs, and men (I’ve had much more luck with the goals and the jobs though) and I have had them come to fruition in sometimes quite magical ways. Was it the dream alone that brought me my desires? Actually, I don’t think it was, although I will give God credit for granting some truly outrageous and fabulous dreams that I didn’t deserve or raise a hand to accomplish.

I think we have to look at our definition of dreaming. For some people, to dream means to imagine, oftentimes wildly impossible things. It can be seen as a passive past-time that often leads to wasted hours and opportunities. People who see dreaming in this light often offer phrases like, “I wish” or “If only”. It’s as if the act of dreaming was satisfying enough on it’s own. They dream about getting married but when faced with the chance of a date, don’t want to put forth the effort to meet someone new. They believe the right person will magically walk into their life, even though their life consists of work and their couch. I guess there’s always the bug man…

I believe that people who make their dreams come true view dreaming as an active process. Sure, there are times where they let their imaginations wander to the “I wish” and “if only” section of the store, but more often than not they walk straight into the “what if?” or “why not?” department. They dream, they believe, and then they act.

Real dreaming may begin in the imagination, but comes alive through our choices. Taking the feelings and benefits that we experience when we dream and knowing that we can make them a reality, that’s what dreaming is all about. That’s the reason that things on my collages (now called vision boards) have appeared in my life, not magic. I dreamed and I chose to tell others what I dreamed. When given the opportunity I actively sought the path to my imaginings.

So yes, “Ya gotta have dreams” and yes, “If you dream it, you can be it,” but if you really want to be happy – you have to choose to dream actively. Passive dreaming is passive living. It can be a very peaceful existence if you are satisfied with your life. However, if you imagine bigger and better things for yourself, or if you long to truly grow into a better person, using an active definition for dreaming is the way to make all your dreams come true.

True Blood: Why I think there’s always been hope for Eric and Sookie!

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I think Eric and Sookie will be together at the end of True Blood and I’m tired of all these people saying they want it, but they KNOW it will be Bill and Sookie in the end. All they are doing is protecting themselves from drawing hope from legitimate clues the story gives us. Maybe it’s because watching week-to-week over six years, they feel like they’ve been let down in the Sookie/Eric department. But people – watch it all again! Even the seasons you thought sucked. Binge on it looking for the Eric/Sookie story. Even in the Warlow season where people felt it was abandoned, it was there.

People use quotes from the actors and production to prove their pessimism. Alexander Skarsgard said Eric won’t rekindle anything with Sookie when he returns…he realizes he’s not the best man for her. Ummm – ok. Didn’t that just happen in the fourth episode? There was nothing definitive in what he said for the future episodes after he returns. Stephen Moyer said he really didn’t see a way for Sookie and Bill to be together – that it wouldn’t be right after all that’s happened. Everyone freaked out about the “love interest” cast for Eric…she’s gone. The spoilers from producers have all been short term teases…look at Alcides death – they pretty much said they were setting up a triangle for her, Bill and Alcide…yep they did and it was over episode 3.

Why would a show that has never given spoilers all of a sudden start handing out all the goods? It seems to me that all the information given about season seven has been true in the slimmest sense. True enough that it wasn’t a lie, but definitely not indicative of what will happen overall.

It seems to me the fact that they started with the whole Sookie and Bill reconnecting story is good for her and Eric. It’s way too early in a ten episode season for them to tell us the ending! And the first three episodes told us Sookie would get back with Bill. But the fourth showed us what we’d been missing. We couldn’t realize what Bill and Sookie don’t have with out revisiting what she and Eric do!

When you watch the seasons in order over the course of a few weeks you realize there is a solid Sookie/Eric friendship – love story present and it makes much more sense as an endgame than Sookie/Bill.

One of my favorite moments is at Terry’s funeral (Another episode fans didn’t like but that spoke volumes about where the show was heading and what it was all about.) where Sookie tells Arlene “He loved you since the second you walked into his life and not too many people can say they were loved like that.” Think about that! Only one person has loved Sookie like that and it’s Eric.

The symbolism of his believing she’d be back and giving her the house as her gift of freedom, the sympathy he showed over Alcide’s death, the fact that he had to separate himself from her when she said she wouldn’t choose him. It’s all real. When Sookie tells the hep-v vampires “I’m his”, it’s the truth.

These people saying that was all we’ll see of Eric and Sookie because Alex left the set early are crazy. You don’t have to film in order. In fact when you’re trying to keep a story under rap it’s better if you don’t. I think we will see more of Eric and Sookie – she’s going to want to cure him. I think we have a real shot at the cheesy cartoon ending where they end up together somehow, but even if we don’t get that I think we’ll get something that shows their relationship was more than in the viewer’s minds.

Whether it’s the most obvious and easiest ending where Sookie’s fairy blood could cure hep-v or Sookie uses that “ball of all she is” to heal Eric and not be a fairy anymore, I’d be happy. (It seems fitting for Sookie to end up human and helps Sam raise his baby although not romantically.) The coolest would be that Sookie chooses to become a vampire so she can have magic blood like Warlow and can cure Eric and let her blood be used by the corporation to be distributed in the True Blood, but however it ends I’m tired of all this doom and gloom. A lot of these facts and feelings that people spout about there being no future for Eric and Sookie are distorted from years of talking too much about it and not wanting to be disappointed.

Just like in real life, if you’re going to find true love you have to risk the pain of things not working out. Well, in order to really enjoy season seven of True Blood as an Eric and Sookie shipper you have to risk the hope!

Ps. For people who think most of my examples were pre-new regime, I think this TV Guide interview gives hope when read through the lens of this season…http://www.tvguide.com/news/true-blood-season7-spoilers-1069409.aspx

Oliver, Felicity and the Arrow Season Two Finale (spoilers)

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I have to admit that in the season finale of Arrow when Oliver took Felicity to the mansion and asked her to stay there to be safe, I was into it. When he said Slade took the wrong woman and that he loved her, I was swooning even though somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, that was too fast…really? I instinctively wanted more even though I was getting what I thought I’d been waiting for.

In the scenes after, it started to dawn on me that the scene before this profession of love was Felicity telling Oliver he had to outthink Slade. In my gut I knew I’d been played. That’s when I started feeling manipulated. The producers and writers had played a sick joke on all of us.

And then we got to the end…that was a real Olicity moment. When Felicity confessed she had believed him for just a second the lingering smile, gaze, and silence spoke volumes.

Oliver loves Felicity and he KNOWS he loves Felicity. She on the other hand still doesn’t believe it’s possible that he could think of her in that way. Therein lies the reason that we weren’t given a true Olicity love story last night. He’s there…she still needs to get to the point where she can accept that she deserves it.

Now, for those of you that argue I am being overly optimistic or seeing things that aren’t there, here’s what I hold up as evidence. The producers admitted in numerous interviews that Olicity moments, are real, crafted, and important to the show. If you watch any youtube montage of Olicity moments you see their story unfold and it’s awesome.

Beyond that when Lance told Oliver that Slade had Laurel, Ollie said the city was more important. He wasn’t going for her. He truly didn’t have a plan to save her at that point. He said the words, I know why he took her, but chose the city over her. Even the plan that eventually saves Laurel wasn’t about Laurel. It was about not killing Slade and Felicity’s belief in Oliver that he could find another way. Her belief in him culminated in his belief in himself.

So, if Oliver knew why Slade took Laurel and was going to save the city anyway, he must have known in his own heart that Slade had the wrong woman. It isn’t until Felicity pushes him again and again that he’s able to form it into an actual plan. I believe that Oliver told Felicity the straight up truth when he spoke to her in the mansion. Sure he had another purpose but it was possibly his last chance to say it to her and I think he meant it.

Then let’s look at the fact that he trusted her to understand what he wanted her to do. We’ve been hit over the head with how he wanted Sara safe and away from Slade in the island scenes. He wanted Laurel safe and out of Slade’s grasp in the past few episodes. But with Felicity, he allows her to walk straight into the fire! Is it because he doesn’t care?

On the contrary, just like his work with Sara allowed him to see her as an equal and be in a relationship with her, Oliver’s relationship with Felicity has progressed to one of equality and trust. We know that the flaw in Oliver and Sara’s relationship is her darkness and inability to accept the hero in herself, but that’s the exact opposite with Felicity. She is the light to his dark, she sees no other path but the hero’s journey. By letting them work together to make the hero’s choice, the writers and producers have brought Oliver to the place where he can finally see his love for Felicity. He has put it into words.

I also think it’s obvious from the last scene that he knows she loves him, too. I think his smile was knowing. Knowing of the fact that she is still struggling to put it into words and that giving her that time hurts no one and maybe even protects her.

I think what the producers and writers has done is brilliant. After getting over my initial anger at the manipulation factor, I can see that what they did is the only authentic path they could have taken. The I love you in the mansion may have been real for Ollie but it wasn’t time yet for her to say I love you in return.

(By the way, I hate you Andre Kreisberg for being right about giving me what I need and not what I want, but don’t drag them getting together out much past season three. I see she’s not there yet but by the end of three they should both know who they are and be ready to explore who they are together.)

My Arrow Season Two Finale Theory

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In the submarine in City of Blood  – Oliver is with 3 other people. The scene directly mirrors his being in the lab with Felicity, Dig, and Laurel. On the Submarine Oliver sends Sara away. He says to her that he has to know she’s safe. She goes but we know she ends up on the boat in trouble and he has to help her. He’s left on the submarine with Anatoly and Peter. Peter is the one who tells him, when he says he’s not a hero, “Not yet, but you will be.” Anatoly is his friend forever in his own words. So Anatoly is Dig, Peter is Felicity, and Sara is Laurel.

When they’re in the lair Oliver basically tells Laurel the exact same thing he’s told Sara – once again showing he has some seriously weird sister issues – but whatever.

Now let’s look at something else. The episode before.  “Seeing Red” shares the same name with the Buffy episode where Spike at his lowest point leaves so he can get his soul to make himself worthy of Buffy.  In their series finale he famously sacrifices himself to become the hero he never was. Sara left at the end…she went to get help but she left just like Spike. And we see when she comes back in Streets of fire that she doesn’t see herself as a hero but her actions are proving that she is transitioning into one 

Sadly, if the explanations above hold – we are put in a situation where Sara will sacrifice herself to be the hero (Peter’s words on the ship – does Peter have a Felicity connection?).

We have Laurel story in the two episodes mirroring Sara’s story and we all know that at some point in the island flashbacks Oliver sees Sara “die”. Will we see Laurel almost die and have Sara sacrifice herself to save her? There are lots of signs that point to yes, but we also have to throw in the Felicity factor and the picture of Slade holding Felicity hostage.

What if Sara dies to save Felicity and Laurel “dies” like Sara did. When Sara “dies” she is taken in by Nyssa.  What if Nyssa takes Laurel and they train her. Thereby having her follow the exact same path as her sister in becoming the Canary but saddened forever by the loss of her sister she is “black”?

If Laurel “dies” that gives time for the writers to develop Oliver and Felicity just a little bit more. After watching recaps of all the Olicity stuff from YouTubers it is obvious that the writers have seriously chosen to create Olicity moments. So you have Oliver and Felicity just about to explore a real relationship in season 3 when Laurel comes back from the dead as Black Canary – all of a sudden Oliver’s equal/partner in crime. This throws major conflict into the developing relationship with Felicity which everyone knows you have to have to keep a couple successful.

I don’t know…it’s all just a theory and there are lots of them out there.  I personally don’t want it to work out that was because I am not a “Laurel” fan (character wise – I like Katie Cassidy),but it would keep me interested if that’s how it went down. Sara dies a hero, we get to see some Oliver and Felicity advancement and people who want Laurel as Black Canary get a believable story of how she all of a sudden got mad fighting skills. Hmmmm.

 

General Hospital New Year Check-In…Just “eh”

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So I haven’t written about General Hospital in quite a while. To be honest, it’s because other than being psyched that Robin is back, I’m pretty ambivalent about what’s going on. There are pairings I like and stories with potential but I’m feeling kind of lukewarm when I want to be boiling over.

First, what’s right? Well, Anna, Duke, and Robin – Thank you God! Robin, Patrick and Emma – Double thanks! Everything else? Just makes me say, “eh.”

I love Michael Easton, but Silas Clay with Sam Morgan = paint drying. I loooove Roger Howarth but I’d be lying if I said I’m really into Franco. I absolutely freak over Maura West and actually love the character of Ava, but come on…as hot as Morgan is it’s beneath her. Where’s her leading man?

All of that pales in comparison to my devastation at the disappearance of Elizabeth Webber. Where is she?

I understand that when new writers come in they bring their own ideas and characters. I went with Britt and Sabrina and it was fairly entertaining for a time. The thing is – they aren’t the reason I watch. I don’t want to watch Britt’s love story with Nikolas or Sabrina dealing with Patrick’s rejection and what to do with his baby. I DO want to watch Nikolas and Patrick. And if I’m watching Nikolas and Patrick I feel like I should see Liz more than Britt, Sabrina, or even SAM. What’s up with all this Sam is everyone’s best friend now?

I like Silas, Ava, Derek/Julien, and Sonny. It’s a decent story. I like the way Morgan, Molly, TJ and Rafe have been drawn in as well, but I want more than a mob story.

Here’s hoping that as we move into 2014 we get a seriously juicy secret between Ava and Silas. Here’s hoping that newbie Nathan West instigates a love quadrangle with Maxie, Dante, and Lulu and doesn’t just relegate Dante to the background as Lulu moves on. Here’s hoping that they actually have a plan for Elizabeth. That she sees some romance with Nikolas, or Dante, or Nathan, anyone but AJ who just seems like a dead-end for her.

The fact that I wrote this whole reflection without AJ even coming to mind shows how this rotation of stories makes me forget about characters off-screen. Does GH have too many characters? I know, I know – ratings are at their highest in years – and despite the tone of this review I understand why. Carlivati and Valentini know soaps. They get them in a way that no one has since the 1980’s…so. I guess I’ll just shut up, keep watching, and stay lukewarm while I hope for some couples with real chemistry.

The Bachelor Juan Pablo: Can he really fall in love?

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So another season of The Bachelor is upon us and I am slightly more excited than usual when it comes to this male version of the franchise. I think I’ve made it clear before that I believe the chances of an actual marriage with a man who is exposed to 27 women who want him is rare (Jason and Sean being the exceptions!).

From the way the show is editing and presenting Juan Pablo, I can maybe see him falling in love. He seems genuine, playful, and charismatic. He is absolutely himself, no hiding the way he checked each lady out on her way into the house, and seems like a good guy and dad. The question hiding beneath this hope, however, is whether or not he’s capable of a sincere monogamous relationship with one of these ladies, not whether he wants one.

He seemed overwhelmed. Like, how do I choose from 27 ladies that are all beautiful? And, as he met with them individually he seemed to like each one more than the next. What really threw me for a loop was his first impression rose. Sharleen is a beautiful, intelligent, elegant opera singer, but she wasn’t the most vivacious, beautiful, or even engaging woman there. She herself admitted to lacking that initial spark with him – almost to the point where she turned down the rose.

What’s more worrisome than her lukewarm feelings? He seems absolutely clueless to her disinterest. I guess that’s what a good ego can do for a man. I don’t think he’s thought about the fact that there could be a woman that might not want “Juan Pablo”! Anyway, previews with Sharleen seem odd. Maybe she stays around a while for drama, but she won’t be the one.

One thing Sharleen has in common with another woman that seems to be a front-runner is her intelligence. Juan Pablo seems to like his ladies smart. Is he smart enough for them, though? He seemed really smitten with Andi, a prosecutor from Georgia. Andi is fabulously attractive and obviously sharp as a tack. I couldn’t help but feel like she was humoring him some. Is Juan Pablo more looks and charms than brains – or is it the language barrier that causes doubt?

Some other girls that he seemed to like and my thoughts:

Twenty-four year-old Chelsea seems smart, cute, and fun. She made a “chemistry” joke when they met because she’s a science teacher. You could tell he thought she was attractive and would be good for Camila (his 4 year-old daughter). I think she’ll be around for a while.

Alli, the soccer-playing nanny from Illinois seems to have the most in common with him. They’re introduction was natural and seemed comfortable and real, while also showing a spark!

Clare, the hairstylist from Sacramento that hopped out of the limo pretending to be pregnant also seems to be on his list of favorites. Sure it was a silly trick, kind of like Lindsay’s wedding dress in Sean’s season, but Juan Pablo seemed to be looking past what she said and did to how pretty she was. I have a feeling, like with Lindsay, that we have a Bachelorette contender in Clare. She won’t win though.

Nikki, the pediatric nurse from Missouri took the Twitter love title last evening. Most people loved her and compared her to ex-Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky. She is a doll. She seems real and down to earth, as well as smart and sweet. He likes her and she’s a possibility for sure.

To me he seemed most physically attracted to Christy, the marketing manager from Illinois. He gave her a rose but we didn’t see any conversation. This probably means she goes home next episode or that we’ll see a slow reveal of them getting to know one another.

The final rose of the night went to Amy L., a news reporter from Clermont, Fla. They had chemistry and she’s smart. She wants to be there and I think we’ll see a lot more between them.

Finally, there was single mom Renee who is beautiful, down to earth, and smart. Things look promising but is she just someone he connects with as a parent or is there more there? We will see.

So – what about the train wrecks?

It’s hard to imagine that they brought Amy the massage therapist on for any other purpose than to have her be the “you’ve got to be kidding” moment of the show. Red headed Kylie stepping forward for a rose when he called out Kat had to be the cringe moment of the night. When she said, “Can you keep us both?” and he stayed silent? Ouch! Another crazy that he kept was free spirit Lucy. She’ll be entertainment for sure.

I want to say one thing about the “Crier” of the night, Lauren H. I liked her. I liked her a lot. My take is that she was genuinely surprised by her emotional reaction to the experience of being there. As it happened, it seemed like she was intelligently processing her feelings and had identified her trigger. Maybe she wasn’t really ready to be there. Maybe she shouldn’t have explained her rough night to him when she first met him. I do not think, however, that she deserved the responses from people on Twitter or in blogs that she has received.

I get that people watch for the disasters. I get that it’s fun and good TV to talk about the crazy girls as I just did above. It seems to me, though that for real fans of the show, the focus on the craziness detracts from why we really watch. We watch to see a connection and see two people fall in love. Fans that have stuck with the franchise since the beginning enter each new season hoping for a Trista and Ryan, a Jason and Molly, a JP and Ashley, a Sean and Catherine – even an Andrew and Jen that was real despite not working out. That’s what I’m still a little worried about this season with Juan Pablo…I’m not totally convinced we will see him fall in love and if that hope isn’t stoked in the next few episodes, I may not finish this season.

General Hospital’s on Fire!

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What can I say? It looks like all the waiting is finally paying off. It took a while for Carlivati and Valenti to move the pieces around following the unfortunate shift of three integral characters into new (Franco is kind of new now – admit it) personalities, but they did it and it was well worth the wait. Kiki has come between brothers and fathers and sons, Franco has reinvigorated the Quartermaines and given Carly a possible love story. Silas has loosened up a bit and seems to be a possibility for Sam but, hold the presses (the ones that Derek Wells just bought), he’s smoking hot with Ava.

That’s story number two in this rise from chaos. After bringing in newbies we could’ve cared less about, in the past few months we’ve seen the return of Nikolas, and the introduction of Ava and Julian Jerome – new characters that connect to the past. They tie in with Duke and Anna! They tie in with Alexis! They tie into Sonny and the murder mystery around Connie’s death (although who doesn’t think the AJ has to be Ava Jerome).

The only thing that still needs work is Elizabeth! I don’t want to be ungrateful – she’s on more than she’s been on in years, but the AJ story doesn’t have any chemistry. I can’t help but hope they’re growing Britt and Nik so they can give Elizabeth something to break up. So we can see Nik trying to stay good and be loyal to Britt while throwing longing glances at Elizabeth.

Still, it would be easier to connect Elizabeth and Nikolas in to the stories with Maxie, Spinelli, Patrick, Sabrina, and Felix….especially when Robin returns!

One more compliment for the day (Friday, Sept. 19th). Maurice Bernard kicked ass in his portrayal of a manic episode today at the party. Using the mania as the excuse for revealing that Morgan knew about Michael not being related to Kiki was genius. And saving it for the last moment before the weekend made me howl out loud for the first time in a long time. General Hospital is must watch stuff right now.

***But please, still hoping for a more balanced airing of stories – haven’t seen quite a few characters in days and it messes with momentum.

A Spider, The “Other”, and Our Humanity

Anthropomorphism is when we give human characteristics to non-human things. Sometimes we do it with objects, but more commonly this happens with animals. I remember sitting in my docent class at the Louisville Zoo and having our teacher, Doug, explain that the practice can be dangerous to both the people and the animals when this occurs.

Outside my workroom window lives a giant spider. When I first saw it I was a little freaked. I called in people from the hall to see it. It’s out of the ordinary and unique, easily the size of a half-dollar with yellow and brown stripes. After we ogled it a while, I continued about my work and didn’t see it again for a few days. I was relieved. It was a freaky spider.

Yesterday I was looking into the afternoon sun and a glint caught my eye. Silver, octagonal strands appeared before my eyes. There was a huge, beautiful, symmetrical web. It was so large there was no way it was new. It had to have been there all along. The spider hadn’t been hanging loose. It had been on its web, in its home. I just hadn’t seen it.

Today it’s back. I watch and stare as it sits in the middle of its home. I wonder in awe at nature’s capabilities and design. Alone in the workroom, I feel the need to tell the spider how gorgeous it is and how much I enjoy its presence outside the window. It’s windy and the web pulses on currents of air. The spider remains calmly at the center. I start to wonder if it really is calm. Is it scared? What’s it feeling? Empathy rises in my chest as I compare my life lessons to its own.

Then I realized that I was anthropomorphizing the little guy. He’s a spider not a human. He’s not sitting there worrying about whether a storm is coming with the wind and how it will affect his web. He’s not worried that he may not get to see the blond at the keyboard through the window again. But I am doing all of those things for him because I am human. It came so easily to me, the ability to get over my fears and find common ground with this creature that at first had seemed so “other”… so scary.

I wonder : If it’s so easy for us to anthropomorphize animals that we fear, why is it so hard for us to see humanity in the people we call “other”?
In the space of three days I had moved from ogling, to awareness, to friendship with a spider, but there are millions of people who go there whole lives treating actual human beings with different skin colors, different sexual orientations, or different IDEAS as less than human. There are millions of people who can’t move past the fear, who can’t see the web, who don’t recognize the common experiences of love and fear – the humanity that we all possess.

I think back to Doug’s comment about how dangerous it can be to anthropomorphize a wild animal and yet people do it every day. And then I think about how not dangerous it is to reach out and extend understanding and friendship to another human being. It’s in us – that ability and desire to connect. We have the inherent ability to remove the fear, find the common ground, and love if we just look. Why can’t we look? Is it a choice to remain blind? Is it a choice to live in fear? Is it a choice that actually diminishes our own humanity? If we can give human qualities to animals that scare us – why can’t we do the same for our brothers and sisters?

A New Way of Loving Myself!

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I’ve had some hard days recently. I think we all at times over-commit or add new things to our lives without removing the old. When this happens it can lead to depression, anxiety, or in my case a little of both.

Now – I confess that even in good times I have a penchant for self-help books which I really enjoy, but from which I rarely find new insight. When I bought the short and sweet, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended on It, by Kamal Ravikant (I bought it on Amazon Kindle), I didn’t have high hopes – and in a way I was right. The book’s whole message is you have to love your self. Duh! Heard that all before, but Ravikant has a way with words – a way of explaining the concept so that it’s like hearing it for the first time. The question he posed led me to some very real decisions and very new revelations.

Whenever we think of loving ourselves, it’s presented like a chore. It will be hard, but you must come to “accept” your flaws and love yourself anyway. The focus is usually on finding a way to see ourselves as “worthy” even though we may feel we are not.
But what if we instead focused on the loving?

When I think about the people I have loved over the years, I see them clearly, flaws and all. I also see that I never focused on choosing to love them despite their flaws, I just loved them, and in most cases, did everything in my power to help them get what they needed, desired or deserved. I put them first even though I could clearly see their faults. I put them first because their faults didn’t matter. If we stop spending all this time trying to get over our flaws and just focus on the act of loving, maybe we can go further than we have before.

Ravikant asked what we would do if we truly loved ourselves?

What would I do if I loved myself the way I loved all those people in my past – the people I went to bat for even when I knew I shouldn’t because I loved them, the people who I told to take time for themselves without feeling guilty, the people I found jobs for, and helped get through beauty school and citizenship tests? How would I “love” myself if they were me?

Looking from that perspective was like a lightning bolt to my soul. If I were someone I loved I would be giving myself quite different advice. If I were someone I loved, I’d say “Quit that right now!”, “Take care of yourself!”, “Market your book like you’re the fabulous writer you are!”, “Make that call!”, “Say no and mean it!” If I loved myself like I loved them I would spend hours trying to help and listen and understand instead of saying get over it, move on, you really messed that up, etc…

Instead, I tell myself to put other’s needs first. I tell myself to do what’s necessary to avoid conflict and awkward feelings. But that’s advice I would never give my God-children, my best friend, or one of my students. It’s advice that sacrifices the very things that would bring me happiness and probably success.

I have heard, “Love yourself!” over and over and over! Heck, I’ve even taught it to young women for years…but love isn’t a feeling – it’s an action. I’ve always understood that when it comes to loving others. Why was it so hard to see it about myself?

What about you? Is this revelation just new to me? Have you thought about loving yourself is an active way before – the way you love others? What difference would it make in your life?

Bachelorette Des: And the winner is….

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I didn’t think there was a way to come back from last week. Brooks had to come back because how – HOW? – could she profess her love for Drew or Chris after that fiasco where she told Brooks she loved him and cried for days?

But from the beginning my heart said Chris. How wonderful that she got past that infatuation to recognize the real affection and friendship she had with him from the beginning. Does she love him? Absolutely! Anyone watching the “After the Final Rose” episode could have seen it.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Brooks came out…her tears before he appeared had me worried, but after the initial shock you could see her relax. It was like something in her said, “Yes, I was right to choose Chris.”

Speaking of right – that proposal was gorgeous. I was nervous and mad when Chris H. indicated she was going to bring up the Brooks thing at the proposal. I was like, “You’re gonna blind side amazing Chris S. like that?” But he was eloquent and passionate. He was genuine and oh, oh, oh – the grow old and start a family stuff? Be still my heart.

I have no doubt that it was still hard for Chris S. to watch last week, but she did what most of us never get the chance to do! She chose real love. How many of us out there would have given Chris up to take the adrenaline feelings that Brooks gave her?

And the thing is – Chris gave her those too, she just couldn’t see it until Brooks stepped aside. I don’t see Brooks as any type of villain. I do think he hoped she would have stayed single. I think he regretted his choice just a little, but I honestly don’t think she regretted hers.

Watching the montage of her experiences with Chris you could see how special it was from the beginning. I think I was 100% (Chris’s fave words) sold when he asked her dad for her hand…her dad’s a slight geek, but Chris had something in common with him. They both loved Des with all their hearts.

I think this will last and I am absolutely happy with the outcome. I do feel bad for Drew, but can we say mature? I was so impressed with his responses to her when she let him go and then again on “ATFR”. He’s a gem, but I’m glad he’s not the next bachelor.

The next Bachelor? JUAN PABLO!!!! Had it been anyone else it would have been anti-climactic. He’s gonna be great – and really, he serves a purpose for the producers…they’ve been accused of not having diversity so a Latin lover can’t hurt.

There were times this season I was bored to death and I still think the editors and producers need to mix things up. It’s just a little too predictable episode-wise, if not outcome-wise. Still, I got that warm fuzzy feeling with Des and Chris just like with JP and Ashley…bet Des and Chris get married before Sean and Catherine!

Bring on Juan Pablo! Wish I was 25, I’d be at those additions in a heartbeat. Too bad I took German, though…

Bachelorette Des: Does Brooks love her or not?

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I was truly surprised by what happened last night on the Bachelorette. It’s kind of crazy. Either it’s going to be a season where she picks no one, or Brooks is going to come to his senses. You see, after her conversation and declaration of love when Brooks was breaking up with her, I see absolutely no way she can pick Chris (and let’s be honest – it should be Chris) without it being obvious he was her second choice. In a way, unless Brooks comes back, the season is ruined.

I have to say that it was fascinating watching the stuff with Brooks last night. In the history of the show I don’t think we’ve ever seen such gut wrenching honesty. But here’s my question: Was his honesty the result of too much self-reflection in an unreal situation or was it real?

It seemed like he was very logical and honest regarding what he thought when he was away from her. He actually said definitively that he wasn’t going to feel the way he needed to in order to get engaged. But when he was with her, when she said I love you? His body language, face, and voice was that of a man in love.

So the real questions for the season are these: Will Brooks return and realize he’s in love or will Desiree be alone in the finale? Will we see a scene where Brooks has come around since the end and asks to date her like Jason did with Molly? Will she find a way to realize Brooks was a fantasy and Chris was real?

Bigger Question: Will any of us keep watching if they don’t change up the formula enough to keep viewers from getting incredibly bored? I loved these men. I loved Des. This season – even with this drama – was like watching paint dry. Evolve Mike Fleiss.

General Hospital July 15-19: Franco’s Brain Tumor and Daddy Reveals (Sam and Kiki!)

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Three reveals happened on General Hospital this past week (July 15 – 19) that should prove to drive story for the forseeable future and I think I’m happy about them all. Let’s talk Franco first.

I was unsure of bringing Franco back and I still think there would have been better ways to use Roger Howarth, but I’ve come around to being open to the cool possibilities that his presence enables. When Franco woke up after that seizure, people were freaking out about him saying he was Jason. Too many jumped to the literal interpretation that he “was” Jason, which I agree would have been horrible! But as Jason’s twin brother, the idea that he would also have a brain tumor that could cause such a huge personality shift (like Jason Q to M) is brilliant and the perfect way to legitimately change the character’s place in Port Charles society. When Patrick saves Franco by removing the tumor, what kind of man will we get? Taking some of the “crazy” out of Franco doesn’t mean he’s going to be suddenly moral, just not psychotic any longer!

Then there was the bombshell that I was surprised Carlivati dropped so soon. Kiki belongs to Silas! That leads me to believe this particular story must have a much farther reach than just Ava, Kiki, and Silas in the long run. I have already gone on record about the brilliant chemistry between Maura West with Michael Easton. I’m thrilled by the fact that they have a past and now share a daughter. I love that she’s kept it from him all these years and I keep going back to the things she said about why she never told Kiki about her dad before. We all thought her dad was Franco and it was easy to interpret those statements that she was protecting her daughter as protecting her from a psycho…but if her dad is Silas – what do they mean now?

I love that Silas being her dad makes her unrelated to Michael and that Ava has managed to manipulate Morgan in to keeping her secret out of self-preservation. It would have been too obvious to go the bone marrow test way…this is better.

Finally there was the scene with Alexis and Sam where Alexis came clean and said she had no idea what’s Sam’s dad name was. That to me was believable. Why wouldn’t a woman like Alexis tell her daughter who her father was if she knew. Molly and Rafe on the Ouija board coming up with the letter J was a little hokey, but it gives us a clue that matches rumors and spoilers that her dad’s a Jerome.

On a separate note: There were some Liz/AJ/Nik/Britt scenes this week! Thank you RC and FV. I love that Liz is getting jealous but not admitting it to herself yet. I love that Nik has legitimate chemistry with Britt and shared scenes with Alexis, Sam and Molly. I love that I have seen Elizabeth on my screen this week and that she’s in the previews. Having her talk with Patrick about Franco’s brain tumor made total sense. The fact that it looks like she’ll be the one to save Danny by confronting Franco on the bridge and pretending he’s Jason? So excited! Can’t wait. More Rebecca Herbst no matter what please!

Bachelorette Des: The Final Three

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Hometowns:

The first hometown date of the evening belonged to Zack, who, to put the cart before the horse, Des sent home. But who didn’t see that coming?  In truth, I was sad to see him leave because I had really warmed to the guy. He was a tiny bit goofy looking, but he was confident, charismatic, mature, built, wealthy, and his family was crazy perfect for TV. He gave Des a gorgeous antique promise ring, which as viewers knew sounded his death knell from the beginning (literally of the show). I think Zack could make a decent Bachelor, but they probably wouldn’t go with him, simply because he might actually get married and they’re success rate with Bachelors just shows lack of good judgment.

The second date was at Drew’s. Drew’s family is incredibly sincere and loving. It was obvious Des felt comfortable there.  She met his severely mentally challenged sister and I was surprised at how sensitively the show handled it. He is a great guy and the way he took care of her showed real depth to him as a person.  When Des talked to his dad, his dad asked her if she believed in angels and if she’d ever met one.  He told her she had met one in Melissa.  I admit, I cried.  Anyway, Drew said I love you to her when she left and she likes him a lot. The previews make it seem like she likes him more than she does.  She’s definitely fallen the hardest for Chris and Brooks. Drew would make an OK Bachelor, too…a little saccharine for my taste, but I’d still watch.

Chris’s hometown date was adorable and a little scary.  The editing made it seem like there was a real chance his mom didn’t like Des, but she did and she cried about her son being in love.  Chris has it bad for Des. But, I think Chris might just have it bad for love.  I could see Chris bounce back and find love again as the Bachelor. They played baseball together, she drew him pictures, his dad gave her some kind of medical massage, which was weird enough, but then his dad used and instrument to clean out Chris’ sinuses on TV! I did not need to see Chris’ snot and it actually lowered his Bachelor stock a bit for me (yuck!). Still, they have mega-chemistry and she loves him.

The hometown with Brooks was interesting.  Brooks seems like he’s taking this whole thing really seriously and he hasn’t told Des he loves her because he’s actually not sure. But she thinks he is.  She thinks he’s just not ready to say it or she wouldn’t be keeping him.  This could be delusional, but I think she’s right.  The man has a very close and thoughtfully intelligent family.  The questions his brothers asked him were sensitive, right on, and showed how much they loved him.  His conversation with his mom was honest and real.  Brooks in one word is genuine.  So, is Des, I think. That’s why no matter how much she likes Chris or Drew, Brooks is and has been the one all along.

Brooks for the win, with lots of made up drama between now and then (like the conversation with her brother that isn’t even worth recapping it was so staged).

 

Silas Clay and Ava Jerome? Kiki Jerome? Thoughts on GH!

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I had to take some time off from watching GH because I was getting bored with the rotation of stories. Of course, when I did, my blog got tons of hits on my Silas, Kiki, Franco post from way back and it made me wonder what was going on? All these searches for, “Is Kiki Silas’ daughter?” kept showing up and I had to know what I was missing.  So, I went to the dvr and watched 4 days in a row and I’m glad I did.

I’m still kind of sad that watching four days in a row live made me want to stop watching in the first place, but the stuff I saw was magical.

Ava and Silas! Woohoo – I never in a million years would have thought to put Maura West with Michael Easton, but it’s brilliant.  They are both superstars on their own with huge fan bases.  They are both gorgeous and talented.  And they are both exactly what I need to keep watching.  I admit to being a Maura West/Michael Easton fan for years.  Maura as Carly Tenney Snyder was my all time fave soap character, and I fell in love with Michael when he played Tanner on Days of Our Lives years and years ago.  

When Ava saw Silas, Maura let just a little of Carly’s weakness for Jack show on her face…I was hooked.  And when Silas saw Ava, Michael played it with the knowledge that here – here might be the thing that’s really made Silas the asshole he is to others. 

Aside from loving the possibilities with the two of them, I love the chatter it’s got going about Kiki and who her father might be.  We know her father can’t be Franco – first cousins as lovers just won’t work and it’s obvious Kiki and Michael are going to end up together, so  how can they not be related? How also can they keep it looking like they are?

This also brings us to the “Who’s Sam’s daddy?” story.  From what I’ve read it looks like Peter Reckell will be joining GH as a Jerome.  If he’s Danny’s grandfather then Kiki could still match Danny through the Jerome side of the family but look like she’s Franco’s daughter! 

There are so many cool ways this story could go and I want to watch it…

Other thoughts:

I also want to watch the Nikolas/Laura/Lucy Deception business.  Keep Nikolas on my screen and use Britt to make Elizabeth jealous.  Put AJ with Carly and keep the feud going inside the Quartermaine family.

But please, please, please ditch the Sabrina story and find a place to put Patrick where he fits in with other actors who we care about. I’m tired of them and it looks like it’s going nowhere…

I think that’s still my main point – as much as I’m loving some stuff – I can’t figure out what to hope for or where anything’s heading.  There are too many starts and not enough follow through.  We’ve got enough characters…play with what you have and stop bringing in new people.

As much as I hated to lose Kelly Sullivan, there’s a story line that needed to be wrapped up! Sonny and Olivia make sense because you can connect them to drama through Dante and Lulu. The Kate story takes time away from other family story lines. Same thing with Patrick and Sabrina. 

And for goodness sake – get on with making Ellie related to Tracy already.  They’ve been laying groundwork for months. Either she is or she isn’t, and if she isn’t, she’s taking up time from other stories.

If you stuck around through that stream of consciousness rant – Thanks! I’ll try to be more structured next time!

Bachelorette Des: Episode Six – And then there were five…

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So. The question remains. Will Desiree fall in love? I’m pretty sure for the sake of the show she’ll find one of these remaining men irresistible and get engaged, but I’m still wondering if what I’m watching is legit? (In the JP/Ashley, even Sean/Catherine way) Last night’s episode was much better than the past few, and I’m looking forward to the remaining shows, but I can’t help feeling like everything is still very surfacey with this group.

For the sake of this blog I’ll start by telling you that she sent James home. The damage done by the other guys telling her things he said just couldn’t be overcome. I do wonder though, if he got ramrodded. It reminded me of Ben. The guys kept saying all this stuff, but the producers never showed us anything. If they had anything real on him wouldn’t they have showed us? I kind of feel like these guys are acting like a bunch of mean girls.

I’ll also go ahead and tell you the other two that went home were Kasey and Juan Pablo. I know she didn’t have a really great connection with either of them, but I did, and I’ sorry to see them go. Both of them were gorgeous and fun to watch. Kasey was downright eloquent, as I’m sure Juan Pablo would be in Spanish. Either would be someone I’d watch as a Bachelor, but I’m sure it will probably end up being one of the other guys left. Unless they could lure Arie back – now that would be worth watching!

Anyway, since this season is still in session, let’s talk about who’s left.

It seems like Chris and Brooks have the best shot at winning Desiree’s heart. Last night they were both on the group date, but we got to see their one-on-one time with her. She pulled Chris up to her room and read something she wrote for him. It was sweet and he was excited. She has that nervous, omg-I hope he likes me thing going on with Chris. With Brooks, there’s a natural comfort plus a sizzle. I feel like they’re the ones who really have a shot.

But then we got some surprising dates with Drew and Zack. Both were really romantic and it looked like she was really into kissing both of them (of course, it looks like she really loves to kiss anyway). Zack was really mature. Their conversation had depth and weight. It was the first time I could see him as hot, despite his amazing physique. I knew he was smart, rich, and built, but last night he was also in charge. With Drew, we got to see him open a little. He also stepped up in the “manly” department. They made out a lot, and she obviously liked it, but I can’t see them together.

The last guy she kept was Michael G. This just kills me. Maybe it’s the way he’s being edited (but I don’t really think so). He is like a queen bee. Pardon my language, but he’s a little bitch. He says he’s there for Des, but all he’s done is target Ben and James. Well, it doesn’t matter…I’m sure out of the five left, he’s low man on the totem pole.

The previews were the typical ones for this part of the season…depressing and drama-filled..designed to make us question what we’re thinking and ponder whether she actually found love. These next few weeks have all the tricks in the previews – like what’s this thing that makes it seem she’s so in love with Drew all of a sudden and that he’s going to leave her? And then we have all of the guys crying? I guarantee there’s not that much drama ahead. I don’t want there to be. I wonder if the people who make the show remember that while drama can be fun, most of us watch for a glimpse of love.