Things We Don’t Want To Do!

Personal Musings

Clean the bathroom, be nice to people who drive me nuts, chaperone a trip, get out of bed…the list is never-ending.  There are just a lot of things in this world that I don’t want to do, but find myself doing anyway.  Most of the time I won’t even let myself complain about them because I hear my dead great grandmother’s voice in my head telling me I have to eat the last Fruity Pebble in my bowl because there are starving kids in Africa; There are people out there who have it worse.

Unfortunately, the knowledge of this truth doesn’t stop what I’m FEELING about doing these things I don’t want to do.  That’s when all my years teaching Affective Skills and Interpersonal Communication kick in and I tell myself I need to stop complaining for other reasons.  You don’t “have to” do anything in this world.  You make a choice because the consequences of not making that choice aren’t ones you want to deal with.  You can control your feelings. It’s all in your attitude.  Attitude is angle of approach – change it and you change your life.

Blah, blah, blah, blah…I wonder when I’m going to have my break down? I have brainwashed myself into ignoring these feelings for so long. Can I really believe these things and stay on the positive side of life forever? Is it fair to expect that of  myself? I’m already hearing the voice in my head telling me I’m a whining baby that has it easier than any generation of my family before me…would I even allow myself my breakdown?

I did really good for a few years at learning to say no.  I think I need to work on that again.  I do believe that it’s OK to say no to something, even if it’s a good cause or something that no one else is going to do.  That’s what’s been getting me into trouble lately…taking on jobs it looks like no one else will.  So maybe I need to be selfish in a good way in order to stop feeling selfish in a bad way about all the crap I have to do that I don’t want to?

Sounds like a plan.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Entertainment Musings, , , , ,

I wasn’t thrilled about seeing Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I guess it’s because the movie had a lot to live up to. As the fourth installment of a series that seemed to be waning in the third movie, I pretty much expected it to fall flat. However, even as a viewer who was there primarily to keep my twelve-year-old niece company, I was surprised and pleased with the film that, while not nearly as “big” as the first three despite the addition of 3D, made up for in good story and clarity what it lacked in grandiosity.

Sometimes franchises have a way of getting lost as the stories get longer, especially when it loses characters that were seemingly important to fans. My niece’s big complaint: no Will or Elizabeth. The loss of these characters can result in too much attention to the character that’s left. In the case of Captain Jack Sparrow, a favorite to be sure, too much of a good thing can truly be too much of a good thing. But thankfully, in “On Stranger Tides” Captain Jack is the most likeable and understandable yet. His annoying slur is only minimally present and there is no doubt that he is the good guy in the tale who you want to get the girl in the end.

“On Stranger Tides” works because the story is balanced between Sparrow, Barbosa, and the engaging Angelica (Penelope Cruz), as Black Beard’s daughter. We are even introduced to supporting characters that we come to care about. The side story of a captured mermaid and an imprisoned cleric, though cheesy, kept me and my niece emotionally involved. The character of Black Beard served as enough of a villain to unite Barbosa and Sparrow, and while the search or the fountain of youth didn’t seem as important as plot devices in films past, it still made for an exciting and satisfying end.

So, I guess I have to say I liked it. I wasn’t excited to sit through it, but once there, Johnny drew me in and I found myself legitimately entertained. Arrgh!

The Joy of Solitude?

Personal Musings

This past weekend I spent the majority of the time by myself.  I wasn’t lonely. In fact, I reveled in the solitude.  There is something regenerative in spending time with just self.  When I do, I am constantly reminded that no matter what happens in the world around me, I will be OK. I know this because the only person that I HAVE to be with, ever, is someone who I like and respect.

Solitude isn’t for everyone.  I have many people in my life that would be depressed or stir crazy if forced to be alone for a weekend.  I don’t pretend that I am superior to these people.  Just different.  For me, being able to be alone with myself is a sign that I am doing alright in the areas of self-esteem and integrity, but for someone more social, the world may be their mirror. To each their own.

Loving solitude has caused me to contemplate some complex questions about myself lately.  Can someone who enjoys alone time as much as I do really be successful living a life of relationships – Marriage? Children? 

The “outside” answer to that question varies depending upon the lives of the people I query.  It seems most people fall squarely into the camp of their own choices.  People who are married with children give me a spiel about how I would be missing out on a form of loving that no one should live without. But I occasionally find a parent or divorcee who will venture into the discussion of the sacrifice of their personal contentment.  It seems rare to find someone who has balanced their need for solitude with marriage and family.

My “inside” answer seems to lean towards the take it or leave it/grey area.  I have enjoyed being in relationships in the past, so I know I could probably do marriage.  I have enjoyed being a caregiver/nurturer of children on many levels, so I know I could do parenthood.  But it seems that both choices would preclude a weekend like the one I just spent, one where I was perfectly content and happy with myself.  Is that something I am willing to give up?  Is there someone out there that wants the same thing? Is it possible to have all of it, the marriage, children, and the solitude?

I also wonder…Is the me that I like so much when I am all alone, a lazy version of me?  Is it someone who won’t necessarily grow because I’m not challenging myself? I have felt at times that I am a nicer, more giving, and a happier person (outwardly) when I am in a good relationship.  My family would definitely agree.  Is my alone time a “selfish” act that keeps me from being my best self?

Complex questions for which I don’t have any answers.  Maybe I need to take the next weekend alone to think about it some more.  Or, maybe I should go on a date with someone who likes their alone time just as much as I do to see if we can find a balance that makes us both better. I think I’ll just sit back, decide not to decide and see what happens.

Why I still watch The Bachelorette…

Entertainment Musings, , , , ,

Another season of the Bachelorette is upon us, so I thought I would reflect on my relationship with the franchise in general.  I have to admit I didn’t watch season one or two of The Bachelor.  At that point in time you couldn’t have paid watch reality TV.  Without anything to base my opinion on, I deemed it misogynistic and exploitative, not to mention fake.  After all, who could really fall in love on a show like that?  How could the process of quick elimination work when we all know how hard dating and finding that special someone can be?  Then came the Bachelorette and Trista.  When told from the point of view of a woman, the same process seemed to make much more sense.

After all, a woman who goes on a show entitled The Bachelorette probably really wants to get married.  I don’t think that’s the case for most of the Bachelors, as evidenced by their final rose relationship track record.  A bachelor goes on the show and is exposed to 25 women who fight over him and all of a sudden he thinks, “If these 25 women all want me, how many more women are out there that would want me, too?”  Ego takes over and even if he really did think he might want to get married in the beginning, the seeds of doubt have been planted.  The exception to this has been Jason, who from the very start of the show was obviously genuine in the fact he was ready and looking for a wife – so much so that he braved scores of angry women and the media to follow his heart and dump Melissa for Molly.

The process used in the Bachelor/Bachelorette isn’t really new.  It’s not that different from the process used in historical romance novels depicting England’s “Ton” and the courting process.  People would meet at a ball, the gentlemen would decide who they were interested in and would then “call” on their choices.  The women would then pick (with the help of their fathers, brothers, or uncles– perhaps the Chris Harrison role?) from their suitors.  The suitors may have visited for tea and cakes or perhaps walked with them in the park, but it wasn’t like they dated for months trying to figure out if that person was the one.  With today’s all time high divorce rate for people who “know each other” and live together before marriage, it doesn’t seem like it’s a worse way to do things.

So when Trista fell in love with Ryan and we got to watch them get married, and have babies, it was proof enough to me that there was  a chance that the show could really work.  I sat through seasons like Jake and Vienna in order to catch glimpse of real romance like Trista and Ryan, Jason and Molly, Allie and Roberto, even Andrew and Jen (who didn’t work out – but were no question in love).  I guess you could say that my relationship with the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise is like that of a woman who has married a reformed player.  I stay committed because I believe that there’s something real there, but I never let down my guard because I can still always get played.

I’m hoping that this season with Ashley no one gets played and there’s a couple who walks away 100% in love.  If the producers (who I know make half the choices anyway)don’t manipulate the season with the “Bentley” storyline or create unnecessary tension with surprise revelations, I think Ash might have a shot.  My money’s on J.P. and “Cupcake”.

The End of Soaps?

Entertainment Musings, General Hospital, , , ,

I grew up on Days of Our Lives.  My stay at home mother took her break every day at 1pm and I would “rest” while she watched her “soap”. Some of my earliest TV memories are of the Salem Strangler, and one of my first diary entries detailed my jubilation that Bo and Hope made love. (Not that I really knew anything about what actually happened under the sheets in those days.)  Soap Operas were traditions passed down from mother to daughter.  The characters became like family.  I recall feigning illness to come home from school on the days of weddings or big plot developments.  My mother had to have known, but never commented.

Just last week, we were met with the sad news that two more soaps would be leaving the air.  The cancellation of One Life to Live and All My Children came on the coattails of Guiding Light and As the World Turns.  It seems soaps just aren’t profitable these days and are more easily replaced by cheaper talk and game shows.  That’s a shame.  We are losing something special, something that connects us as women,  families, and community.

I think lower ratings for soaps have less to do with people not being interested and more to do with how they’re counting viewers.  Most of the people I know who have the luxury of being home during the workday still watch soaps. They still give the stay at home moms that hour of sanity to detach and dream.  But they also give that comfortable hour of relaxation and familiarity to those of us who DVR, tape, or watch them again on Soapnet (almost none of which are being counted in the rating system as it stands).

When Guiding Light and As the World Turns were cancelled last year I grieved for the loss of characters and stories that had been a part of my heart for years and were like family to me.  As soon as As the world Turns was off the air, I took up watching General Hospital.  I could have turned on any number of mindless afternoon options, but I needed and wanted the stories and connections that only soaps offer. I have since found new friends at work who love to spend time chatting about what’s happening in Port Charles.

People think that new viewers aren’t coming to the table, but just last week my 12 year-old niece crawled into the chair with me and started asking me questions about Michael and Abby, Liz and Jason, and Sonny and Brenda.  She was drawn in despite her homework and her computer.  She was drawn into the stories,  the couples, the romance.  She was drawn to sharing the experience of a soap with me the way I was with my mom when I was little.

I don’t think these recent cancellations are the end of soaps, just maybe soaps as we know them.  Formats do have to grow and change with the times and the audience.  Many of the actors from As the World Turns and other cancelled shows have ventured into online soaps and other new media. Maybe soaps won’t stay in the afternoons or maybe they’ll only be shown on the web, but one thing that won’t change is the fact that there will always be an audience that craves the connection, continuity, and community that good soap operas offer. I just hope the people in charge of the networks aren’t too cheap to see that.

Bones Season Finale…Reset?

Entertainment Musings, ,

In my mind Brennan and Booth have been a couple for the last six seasons.  I have never had doubts that what they each felt for each other outweighed their feelings for any other characters throughout the series.  Sully was the closest thing to a threat they ever faced. Hannah was an unbelievable blip on the radar.  To me their characters have always put each other first and sacrificed for one another in a way that only people who know real love can.

That is probably why, although I call myself a shipper, the “relationship” focus of the past two seasons has been distracting for me.  I never understood why we had to have all this will they or won’t they tension.  It took away from the cases that shined in seasons two and three.  I can count on my fingers the episodes from seasons four through six that took my breath away.  Those episodes like “The Passenger in the Oven”, “Fire and Ice”, “Mayhem on a Cross”, “The Plain in the Prodigy”, and “The Signs in the Silence” weren’t lacking relationship or character development.  Actually the relationship and character developments were so seamlessly integrated into the wonderfully thought out cases that I didn’t have to bring them into the realm of consciousness.

What Brennan’s pregnancy accomplishes is a reset that allows us to get back to what made Bones the amazing show I fell in love with.  They are now inextricably tied together forever.  Whether they live together, get romantic, fall into bed, raise their child in the same home or not…I never have to have that part of my brain whispering, “What are the writers going to do to keep them apart?  What if all of a sudden the writers decide to bring in someone else?”  None of that matters if they have a baby because the one thing we know about both characters is that they will be devoted and committed parents.  That bond alone makes their future rock solid.

Without the worry of whether or not they have a future together, I can now get back to focusing on the cases! Which I hope the writers can as well.  There has been a marked drop off when it comes to the complexity of the cases and the storytelling since season three and even though it kills me to admit it, the reason it’s so obvious to me is the quality of the case stories being told on Castle.  My loyalty and love lies with Bones, but there’s no denying the story structure, mystery, and intrigue isn’t what it used to be.

I want to be able to tell my friends to watch an episode without them coming to me and saying the case was boring.  To me, Bones pregnancy allows us to skip all the dating, relationship posturing, etc… that would undoubtably have taken time away from the real focus of the show while they “worked it all out”.  While a baby brings big things to work out, they won’t be the kind of things that distract viewers or make us debate whether or not to keep watching the show.

Bravo to Hart Hanson, Stephen Nathan, Emily Deschanel, David Boreanaz etc…who made this decision that at first may piss off some shippers, but in the long run will keep us from ever having a disjointed, uneven season like six was , ever again.