Clean the bathroom, be nice to people who drive me nuts, chaperone a trip, get out of bed…the list is never-ending. There are just a lot of things in this world that I don’t want to do, but find myself doing anyway. Most of the time I won’t even let myself complain about them because I hear my dead great grandmother’s voice in my head telling me I have to eat the last Fruity Pebble in my bowl because there are starving kids in Africa; There are people out there who have it worse.
Unfortunately, the knowledge of this truth doesn’t stop what I’m FEELING about doing these things I don’t want to do. That’s when all my years teaching Affective Skills and Interpersonal Communication kick in and I tell myself I need to stop complaining for other reasons. You don’t “have to” do anything in this world. You make a choice because the consequences of not making that choice aren’t ones you want to deal with. You can control your feelings. It’s all in your attitude. Attitude is angle of approach – change it and you change your life.
Blah, blah, blah, blah…I wonder when I’m going to have my break down? I have brainwashed myself into ignoring these feelings for so long. Can I really believe these things and stay on the positive side of life forever? Is it fair to expect that of myself? I’m already hearing the voice in my head telling me I’m a whining baby that has it easier than any generation of my family before me…would I even allow myself my breakdown?
I did really good for a few years at learning to say no. I think I need to work on that again. I do believe that it’s OK to say no to something, even if it’s a good cause or something that no one else is going to do. That’s what’s been getting me into trouble lately…taking on jobs it looks like no one else will. So maybe I need to be selfish in a good way in order to stop feeling selfish in a bad way about all the crap I have to do that I don’t want to?
Sounds like a plan.